The Action of Becoming

Yesterday, was a day I enjoyed; I acted almost like a normal person!

I played Frisbee with the dogs,img_0645 AND started a fire in the fireplace which means hauling logs, AND vacuuming,  AND putting together a Christmas angel AND finishing the outdoor Christmas lights AND I noticed the stems fro866602c5-f82b-4e03-8e4e-530203840a25m all the Hosta plants that needed to be cut,(it was very hard on my back all the bending over it probably took on hour to clip them),  AND I walked with Bart, AND I went to the grocery store, AND made dinner, AND I boned the turkey from thanksgiving, AND washed the week’s dishes that had built up; midnight I finally took time to pray and read my Bible.

NOTICE THE AND’S IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND NEAR THE BOTTOM THE OR’S! This is the difference between before my healing and after my healing which is still continuing. Before my healing I could do ONE THING; after my healing I am able to string many projects together in one day!

One important thing happened yesterday which gave me great understanding; after I went to bed my back became very hot; for the first time in my life I followed the heat to where it quit being hot; it split hot and cold with a horizontal line crossing my tailbone.  What it told me was I still have a huge area without enough nerves to regulate my core body temperature.

How many people do you know that build up so much heat from sweeping and moping a floor they need to take clothes off; if I have company I put on shorts but if I am home alone off come the pants and I fold the shirt up to let the heat out from my midriff. When I sit, I get cold. I am noticing as I spend hours typing and reading and changing my story; my sweater goes on and off: IT IS WORK!

Today is a day of rest; the kind of rest that makes me sleep sound. I get frustrated because most days I am able to do so much but days like today my body says enough!  December 3, 2016, this img_0644was a day I slept until noon; when I woke up it was hard to put one foot in-front of the other to walk. I brought the dogs outside to play Frisbee and made breakfast. It wasn’t long after I ate breakfast that I had to lay down and take a nap; I slept until 5:30 PM. It is still much better that before my healing;  during a visit from our parents 10 years ago, I was so worn out from sitting at a table and playing cards for hours;  that I slept the whole next day waking only to eat 3 times during the day; I was able to sleep the whole next night also.

Today when I woke  from my nap, I was so weak I needed a quick snack to get my body moving, cottage cheese and a granola bar, energy! This gave my brain food for thinking, and my body energy to move to making dinner.  At the end of this day, God has blessed me with the ability to sit at the computer and type; sitting up at a computer and at a dinner table uses my muscles in a way that takes great strength. God is Very Good!img_0649

At 14 years old doctors put a 18 inch Harrington rod connected to my spine to stop my spine from curving further; when the doctors first diagnosed me they saw that I had double curves, both 35 degrees; within 2 years the curves had grown to 65 degrees while wearing a Milwaukee brace (in the picture you can see the metal of the brace is around my neck).  Surgery was the only thing they could offer to stop my spine from continuing to curve. The surgery took the two 65 degree curves and straightened  them to two 35 degree curves; it fullsizerenderleft me with a 16 inches of  a scar and back muscles  that lost communication with my spine, the nerves were cut.  (this is a picture of me in my cast that went from my neck to my groin) I do see my lower jaw thrusting forward; I still do that today, it is a way my body compensates when I look down to keep my airway open to be able to breathe freely.

I remember the first winter after my surgery my family was visiting relatives who lived on a hilly part of the Minnesota country side; while walking those hills my thighs went numb, it was a bit scary: those nerves must have repaired themselves because the feeling only lasted a few years. Sometimes, strange things happen when nerves reconnect, they sometimes get crossed with another nerve: many days I have had an itch and had to hunt for the spot to scratch, because the place that itched wasn’t the spot that needed to be scratched.

My back ended up with large areas of deadness; you could stick me with a knife and I would not feel it. There were also areas that were so hyper sensitive that at one doctor visit while he was checking my nerves with electricity I almost gave the doctor a heart attack; he touched the area of sensitivity, I jumped with a  scream so loud the doctor RAN out of the room. After a few minutes, he came back into the room shaken and filled with fear, asking if he had damaged my spine.

What I didn’t know at age 14 and I have found out at age 50; if the nerves don’t reconnect to the muscles, the muscles atrophy!

Every year at my yearly doctor visit , my doctor would notice my lack of back muscles as she checked my breathing and heart; she would say, “You need to do core exercises.”

I would think to myself, “my stomach muscles are strong, they are what holds me up!”

At 49 years old, I asked my doctor, “Can atrophied muscles get stronger?”

She said, ” If they have nerves connected to them.”

I then asked God, “Could you give me nerves connected to my muscles so they can get stronger?”

God Did: One evening, during the winter of 2011-12 I remember getting up from the couch, walking into the kitchen and feeling parts of my back that I had not felt since 1976; it was the craziest feeling!

The year God started to work on my nerves and I started running, my doctor FOUND MUSCLES in my back! After a year or two of getting stronger I mentioned to my doctor that she used to tell me I needed to exercise my core muscles; she remembered and was shocked at my transformation! I told her it was ALL GOD! I hadn’t changed anything I did before, I was able gain strength and DO MORE! I do remember the first time in my life I had strength added: I lifted heavy snow for hours then I went to teach children at church I noticed an amazing feeling: I WAS STRONGER instead of weaker!!!fullsizerender

The way I started to run Looked like this: run the block, while tightening all my core muscles because every step hurt; I walked the street and again I would run holding tight every muscle until I got to the next street. By the 3rd – 4th street I was able to run without as much pain.  At the end of the street I huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed, when I was ready I ran home in the same manner! The miracle: when I had the desire to run the next day I was able to do it all over again!  I started to run 5 days a week. Realize my almost mile took a good 20-25 minutes to run! Bart found a 5K to run 9 months after I started running.

What I have learned, it takes back muscles to lift your legs and arms past a certain point. Sometime after I turned 40 I starting to limp on my Right leg; previously I had limped for 20 years on my Left leg because of my accident; I didn’t understand why it switched: it didn’t make sense to me.  I now understand, My Right back muscles were very weak and getting weaker; when I was tired my back muscle could no longer lift my leg, it gave me a big limp: I used walls, counter tops and my family as a cane. During days I was well rested I could dig in my garden, OR weed, OR clean house, OR walk 2 miles, maybe even run a block, OR clean some house, OR go to the store, OR do something that needed to get done: then I would rest for 3-5 days depending on how hard I had pushed myself!

When my body was very weak; what I was able to do was sit on the couch, lay my head against the back of the couch, and watch tv. There were days I couldn’t walk up the stairs to help my daughter or to check on her. When I took my daughter to the store to buy clothes I often sat on the cement floor and let her look, because I just couldn’t stand up any longer. If we went to the grocery store and I remembered something while waiting in line; I had to send my daughter because I couldn’t walk anymore.

God does His Work at the Perfect timing; when I received my miracle, I was so far bent over that it was hard to hold my body up; my butt muscles were working overtime! My body cannot bend at my waist, all forward leaning is from my hips. I was beginning to think I needed a cane; Bart thought I needed a walker; my mom thought I needed a wheel chair: BUT GOD HAD OTHER IDEAS!!!! I finished the race!



My First 10 Mile Run

My first thought of the possibility that this might be a 10 mile run started around mile 4 but I didn’t believe it was real until around mile 7-8; the distance isn’t a plan or a desire just a thought that Pops into my head, I don’t think it is my thought, I wonder what is 10? Is this a distance? Is it my thought or is God leading me? The thought of 10 is mixed with a knowing I am somehow ending up at my original 2 mile mark, the Speedway gas station!

I started to run regularly, for real, the day after Christmas 2011, I took img_0425Zachery who was about 15 years old for a walk/run; my body, weak from scoliosis surgery in 1976, and broken in an accident from 1983, had the strength to run about one day a month; I spent much of my time on the couch because of weakness.

The very next day, I took Zachery for a walk and had the desire to run; my first thought was, “I can’t run! I just ran yesterday! I will try.” The run was as good as the day before: running the blocks, walking the streets, getting to the 1/2 mile spot, stopping to huff and puff, and huff and puff, before I headed back home. From that day until planting season, I ran 5 days a week: a miracle. I was running about 20 minutes a mile, most people could walk faster than I was running, but I was running and getting stronger.

A year or so later God started to challenge me to run every day; He wouldn’t say anything until I was past the hardest part at the beginning; He put this picture of the Speedway gas station in my mind. I knew He was challenging me to run 2 miles; everyday I had the same response, “Really?” At first it was easy enough, but after a few days my body didn’t want to run at all and He would still challenge me to go the 2 miles, even if I had to walk 1/2 of it. I know He was making me stronger, teaching me how to endure.

I was born to run: in 6th grade I ran fast enough to make it onto the school relay team. We were all lined up and told to run as fast as we could, the top 4 made the team with one alternate. My team took 1st place in the city competition without me, but that is another story.

The next time I tried to run was in college, I had a desire to get strong and be in shape; I started running outside my dorm room in the neighborhood, during the beautiful spring season in ND  but it only lasted a few days. Around that time, I visited my grandmother on her MN farm; the country roads are marked in a one mile square grid, to go around the block I would be running 4 miles. I took off running with great desire to succeed, but about half way I was ready to collapse; it took all  I had to drag myself the rest of the way to her place. I now know that my body was weak from the scoliosis surgery, but back then I didn’t understand at all.

After my accident in 1983, I was too weak to run. After adopting our daughter in my early 30, I  gained some core strength by holding her every chance I had, it allowed me to run at a rest stop parking lot for the first time since my accident. IT brought great joy to my life, such a great gift: Strength enough to run!

Today, I was heading out of town planning to get a 4 mile run; it started out well, nothing spectacular but a decent pace of 11mm with a few pauses for Sam, my beautiful 14 month old puppy, who is built to run! Somewhere around the beginning of my img_03152nd mile I had a shot of pain hit my left knee; it was confusing why it would hurt, soon I realized it  had something to do with climbing on a ladder to clean gutters the day before. I confessed out loud, “I am healed in the Blood of Jesus!” and I ran on! It worked well to run on the edge of the gravel road where the dirt was a bit more solid;  at the end of the 1/2 mile section of road I usually turn around, but I had the desire to cross the road and continue on to the next road; by mile three the knee pain was completely gone, but a new pain in my intestines started to grab my attention.

Turning around at the first road sign I head back to the road home; I am concentrating on the occasional traffic and finding solid ground to run on until I notice Sam’s interest peaking; I see something in the grass but can’t quite figure out what is so interesting.  I almost run into a dead deer with it’s parts spread all over the side of the road and out into the field.  I jerked Sam fast; pulling him away from the remains, before he could put his mouth on a piece. What an ugly sight out on this beautiful peaceful country road.

When I arrived at the road home, I crossed it and continued on until I hit the next road sign;  at this time I turned around to head back home; why did I add those two extra bits to my run? I don’t know, but on the road home I start to hear this number 10 in my head; wondering if it means something like miles, I get excited at the possibility but I also think I don’t really want to work that hard. Twelfth street arrives much faster than I am used to so I figure I will head down this road for a bit extra; thinking I can turn here or there but it seems there is a need to make it to the next road, 2 miles away. On the 2 miles return, I startto realize the shoes I am wearing are brand new and my heals are starting to complain; this is why professionals break in shoes before they use them on a big run.2b6397e1-d494-4532-8cb9-9904680a0733

Finally reaching home to change dogs, I have run 8 miles.  Changing to looser pants to relax my intestines, and putting on comfortable old shoes to relieve my heal pain, I grab a banana and a glass of water; then I grab Charlie to run. I think quickly of just a short run but I remember  the picture God put in my head, so off I run to my 2 mile mark: God is Pushing me further! Making me STRONGER!


God is Good!

5000 miles and a 7 month old puppy

IMG_4048IMG_8952It is early Saturday morning, Bart is getting tired and pulls off of highway 94 at the last rest stop in North Dakota! He needs to catch a few hours of sleep after driving the long hours across Minnesota and North Dakota, on their trip West.  Waking around 4 AM Bart decides to start driving again; Justine hears a strange noise, waking up from a deep sleep, wondering what is happening, and starts pondering what could make that noise? The RV drives well enough to the gas station so she thinks everything is good.

Arriving at  at gas station a few blocks away, Bart fills up with gas, and drives away from the pump when CRUNCH! SOMETHING BIG happens! It feels like a flat tire; hard to move. Justine gets out of the RV looking for a flat tire but doesn’t see one.  She suggests to Bart to try he move the RV so she to can see what the problem is; Bart pushes the gas pedal; the RV moves a foot or two but, the right front tire freezes up! Justine’s guess is the ball bearings in the wheel. Realizing he wasn’t going anywhere Bart backs up as much  as he can so he is no longer on the road to block traffic.

They are broken down in their new/used RV; sitting in the driveway of a gas station at exit 1, of the North Dakota-Montana border and it is snowing! Their front right wheel has locked up and will not move!

They are thankful it is 2016 and smart phones are able to connect to the world: Bart connects to the insurance company with his  app on his phone. The insurance agent he is talking to is not used to the distance between towns in this section of the country and it is causing a them bit of a trouble. She wants to have them backtrack to Bismark, but she isn’t sure the place that they would be arriving at would be open or they would be able to work on the vehicle at all. Bart tries for hours to get in contact with that company the insurance agent wants to send us to, without success.IMG_3523

The police arrive to see if they can help, asking Bart about the possibility of moving the RV out of the driveway of the gas station. Bart explains to him how he has called the insurance company and they have dispatched a tow truck because the RV is stuck; adding to the drama, Justine sees a tick walking up Bart’s neck; she grabs the tick, thinking she doesn’t have tape to stick to it, she throws it out into the snowy weather: Bart keeps on talking to the very nice policeman.

Finally about 8 am, the tow truck arrives with this very young looking attendant; Justine makes the comment, “He is probably older than he looks, and just because he is young doesn’t mean he doesn’t know his job.”

The tow truck driver asks to see if they can move the RV out of the driveway/street and Justine is very thankful when when Bart tries and the RV still won’t move! Yeah! It wasn’t their imagination! (Don’t you just hate when you have a problem with a vehicle and bring it in to get fixed and the problem won’t show it’s self?)

The police force has grown: 3 police vehicles are in the parking lot across the street, waiting; the tow truck driver crosses the street to talk to them about how to block the street.  Bart and Justine aren’t understanding why the police need to block the street, it has been very quiet.  All of a sudden a semi starts moving, and another, and another; THAT must be why they need the police cars!

The police block the street on 3 sides and  the tow truck backs up into the street, hooking up quickly to not block traffic any longer than necessary.  With the RV partially hooked up, he pulls them across the street into the parking lot adjacent to the rival gas station. The tow truck driver hooks us up securely and suggests that he could tow us to Sidney; the people he works with can fix the problem.

Bart and Justine are discussing if they should be towed to Bismark and head back home or continue on West. Justine suggests going home is like giving up. “Forward!”, they agree, West. Hopping into the cab, they are ready for a 100 mile trip in a tow truck: Charlie and Sam ride in the RV by themselves! Surprising, it was a very pleasant trip. The tow truck driver does mention a few times he is 21 and he graduated in 14!

Bart’s first thought arriving in town is to find a motel in walking distance that takes dogs. Then tow truck driver suggests they can stay in their RV over the weekend, on the property; he gets his coworkers to charge the RV battery that lost it’s charge to calm the alarm that is sounding!  Bart asks, and the crew agrees to allow them to stay hooked up to the dealership electricity, Yeah!!!!  What more could they ask for?

Bart and Justine and 2 dogs, find themselves early on a Saturday morning waiting for Monday; Sitting in their RV in a car dealership in Sidney, Montana.

Believing it is God is working for them, bringing Good out of a tough situation, Bart checks his Weather Channel App on his phone and sees the temperature here in Montana is 40 degrees with rain, a Blessing!   The temperatures in Bismark, North Dakota are below freezing! While Learning about the RV, Justine was told to watch for freezing temperatures because the pipes could freeze if they ended up in temperatures below freezing for an extended time. They are very thankful for 40 degrees!

The tow truck driver tells them about a park to bring their dogs to run and play. It turns out to be a beautiful big park with plenty of space to play Frisbee with the dogs.IMG_1068 FullSizeRender

Sam is a 7 month old puppy; he is a big dog, and no one knows what kind of dog he is. He just keeps getting bigger; every time he sleeps, he wakes up bigger! Charlie is about 5 years old and is a lab/Dotson mix and has been a part of the family for 3 years: Charlie needs attention. Charlie is why Bart wanted Sam.

What do you do with a big 7th month old puppy in a dealership parking lot? Bart heads out first to find the park with the puppies; he comes back praising the park. After a few hours, Justine allows Bart to take a nap and she takes the puppies and a 50 foot wire leash with a frisbee to play in the park.  She throws the frisbee and runs with the dogs as they chase after the it. They precede to both grab the frisbee and run together, tugging and pulling and growling and playing. Sam does try to bring the frisbee to Justine to have her throw it again, Charlie doesn’t often want to give it up.

As night falls everyone in the RV gets ready to sleep and they are taken by surprise with the amount of cars driving through car lot all night long; they pray for protection and sleep peacefully all night.

Being new at RVing Bart and Justine wake on Sunday and realize the water doesn’t last long and the sewer fills up fast; it is time for stretching water as far as it will go! Justine makes breakfast and learns how to wash dishes with about a cup of water;  a little while later Justine washes her hair in the sink and is successful in only using a cup of water Yeah!!!  Success!!

The couple spends their time taking the dogs for runs, eating, and talking! With nothing to distract them like tv or radio.  Once the dogs sleep, Bart and Justine relax and talk like they haven’t talked since they were dating 32 years ago. It reminds Justine a weekend in a small motel, in northern Minnesota: it is very Good! They enjoy their time together, leaving all the worries for God’s to take care of!  Bart and Justine find Joy in the moment, trusting God that all will turn out well. This is Heaven on Earth!

Later, Justine takes the dogs for a run in the park; Charlie runs behind her, the leash catches her right leg, the dogs take off after the frisbee, and Justine’s feet go up into the air: Boom, her head and right shoulder hit the ground!

Justine lays on the ground for a few minutes in shock not even caring where the dogs are; gathering herself she decides nothing is broken and choices to confess out loud and believe, “I am healed in the Blood of Jesus!” Justine gets up and raises her hands in Praise confessing again, “I am healed in the Blood of Jesus!” Justine decides she is not going to let this stop her from playing with the dogs so the 3 of them run and play for 30-40 more minutes. On the way home Charlie decides to stop and leave his offering, Justine has the hardest time controlling both dogs and cleaning up after Charlie; pain is growing and she wants to call Bart to come help, but she pushes through.

Arriving at the RV she gives the dogs to Bart, struggles to climb into the RV and tells Bart about the fall: they discuss what the options are. Justine decides it is smart to let her arm and shoulder rest, thinking if she goes to a doctor it would be put in a sling.  Justine keeps confessing, “I am healed in the Blood of Jesus” all day long and by the evening she is able to use her arm. She knows with a good nights sleep she will be good as new.

Bart takes over dog duty for the rest of the day; He also goes looking for water because the water tank is very low. Sam need to go for a walk as evening comes; Bart takes both dogs at 8pm and 10 pm. They are hoping for a good night’s sleep and head to bed.  Sam decides he needs to use the facilities around midnight so Justine gets up, grabs a coat, flashlight, bags to clean up and shoes because clean grass is 2 blocks away and it is dark. Sam and Justine dodge puddles made by the rain, it is messy, Sam has diarrhea! Justine wants to clean up after the dogs to be good citizens. Sam asks out again at 2 and 4; Charlie joins the party at 5 am! Bart takes over at 7am.

Justine’s plan is getting up and ready to make food and get dressed but being awake every 2 hours has put a dent into her plans; she tries to get every ounce of sleep she can squeeze out. Justine jumps out of bed as she hears men arriving to take care of the RV!  She throws clothes on and grabs the dogs for a morning of the unknown.

Two dogs and two people enter the sales room trying to stay calm and not make noise.  Bart takes one dog at a time out for walks trying to keep everyone quiet in this place of business.  Sam loves to speak: he has had the desire to talk since he was born.

Very Thankful, the RV is finished by noon; Bart and Justine give their Thanks to the people who helped them  and they drive off realizing it was a wonderful weekend in Sidney Montana! They continue their trip West! If you ever happen to be brake down in Eastern Montana, Sidney is the nicest place to spend a weekend as plans become interrupted! God Bless the people in Sidney, Montana.

Lessons Learned AGAIN!

IMG_3254How many times do you have to learn a lesson?

Book club met last week to discuss the book, “The Girl on The TRAIN” by Paula Hawkins.  As Justine picked up the  book to read for the May meeting, her head was filled with the thoughts that she ruined the last book club meeting and maybe she should quit going: Justine took hold of that thought and tormented herself for 20 hours about how horrible she was.

The first words spoken about the book were. “I don’t like any of the characters!”

Justine quickly responded, “I like all the characters!” Then the thought of the men in the book came to mind; she knew she didn’t fully tell the truth, she didn’t like Tom much at all and Scott has some issues, but she didn’t mention it.

What she should have done is ask, “What about each character did you not like? Wasn’t Cathy acting as a Good Christian should; helping someone in need or was she just gullible? What about Megan? Wasn’t she just a broken girl struggling because she feared the secret she held would ruin her life? How hard is life with that kind of secret? What about how Rachel still thought about life with Tom after she found out his secret?”

Justine has always loved the books that have the downtrodden rise from the ashes; it gives her hope that she will also rise from the ashes.

Later on in the conversation a fellow reader mentioned,  “The characters have no depth.” Justine opened her mouth standing up for the characters and said,”I was like them just few years ago;  this book club has helped me to change and grow: years before that I was much worse and none of you would have liked me.”

Not one person responded.

Justine remembered, God doesn’t tell you something for you to be condemned; it is Satan or yourself giving you bad thoughts. Even though she knew it was a lie, she couldn’t pull herself out of it: God kept working to set her free!

God was whispering to Justine, “Come to Me!” She went to the computer instead. The next morning, God was pulling her, “Come, spend some time with ME!” The television was a wonderful distraction! God finally had his way during the Easter Service and set her free from her self condemnation during the Praise and Worship!

In the book, Rachel didn’t have any support from people around her; she turned to alcohol to drown out the feelings of insufficiency, and inadequacy: this causes her to shrink and not grow as a person.  Justine hid behind the television: the moment she walked into the house the television was turned on for the noise to block out her thoughts. At night, the radio and the television or tape/CD/podcast to help her to fall asleep: anything to block out the thoughts that fill her mind.

The wonderful thing about learning a lesson again is it sticks with you a little bit longer. Today, Justine was leading a Bible Study and she talked to much and didn’t give the other people much chance to speak; she had the chance to condemn herself all day again, But she  remembered the lesson she just learned and asked God to cover her mistake and let it go.



Forgive Me!!!!

IMG_3164I am still a beginner at this Blog thing;  God is leading me, mistakes will be made: Forgive me.

I was not expecting to have to decide if a comment was real or spam; many comments were left after my “January 2016” post: how does one tell if it is meant for me? I was about to delete all the posts thinking they were for someone else until I ran into a few that mentioned my blog’s name; WOW, it was for me, thank you.

I decided many posts were for someone selling something and talked about a messed up site, I am not selling anything. Some posts did not make sense, some offered help, and some commented that I had a very nice blog; good information and well written.  One post asked how to stay in contact: I was a bit taken-aback. I kept some and deleted some; I believe I deleted some good posts that said I wrote well: who am I that someone could appreciate my writing?

It is a learning curve, if you are the person who asked how to stay in contact with me;  an email account was set up with this blog, I just have to find it, I will post it.

Bart looked at my blog today for the first time; he said he liked it, and thought it looked well done: it made me realize some of the deleted posts might have been talking about my blog. Forgive me for not  believing you. God Bless!

Just for Fun!

Winter is coming and going this year: we have sticky snow! I love taking pictures of Nature up close!IMG_3729



Pride and Humility


Do you hear yourself? “I am older, you should listen to me, I know more!”

Can not an older person learn something from a younger person: see life in a new way? I have lived a different life and learned different things that are TRUTH! They don’t all pertain to you but some of them do: are you TOO PROUD to listen?

In my latest case of dealing with a Proud person, I got shut down: BOOM!!! You are not aloud to talk! I tried again and: BOOM!!! They stopped me again, my knowledge has no merit, according to them.

Matthew 23:6-12 They Love their Place of Honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the marketplaces, add being called by men, Rabbi. But do not be called Rabbi; for One is you Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth your father, for One is you Father, He who is n heaven. And do not be called leaders; for One is you Leader, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.


I Corinthians 13:4-5 LOVE is patient, love is kind, is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong.

This is for those who don’t believe Jesus talks to people:

John 14: 16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever, the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, you know Him because He abides wiIMG_0501th you, and will be in you.

John 10:16b I must bring them also, and they shall hear My voice; and they shall become one flock with one shepherd.

John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.

I have the Spirit! I hear His voice!

Romans 8:14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

Galatians 516 I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh(senses)

Galatians5:18 If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

Galatians 5:22  The fruit of the Spirit is Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law.

II Corinthians 5:7 Walk by Faith, not by sight!

Galatians 5:25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

I will be writing  how I started to Understand it was God talking to me; I had no concept it was God the first time I heard HIS VOICE, I thought I was arguing with myself, I didn’t listen or obey: I got into big trouble!


My desire is to Walk by the Spirit every day all day long, it is not always easy; my flesh, my desire wins out sometimes even though my greatest desire is to follow God and His Spirit!

Paul says in Romans 7:19 The good that I wish, I do not do but I practice the very evil that I do not wish.

The answer

Romans 8:1-2  There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set me free from the law of sin and death.




January 2016

Happy Late New Year,

It has been about 6 years of Transformation and Miracles!

Five and a half years ago we Began a new life in a new church: God moved us to begin this process of Transformation. Michelle graduated high school in 2012 and started at the community college.  She moved out a year later and has been earning her keep and paying taxes ever since. At this point in time she is working at a dry cleaners and is setting her hopes for managementIMG_0889.JPG .

Bart is still working at the same place; the name has changed 3-4 times and it is in the process of changing again: new owners. For a year or two Bart was working half-time in Texas; he was racking up the frequent flier miles and motel points. This last year he finally said he had enough and said, “No more travel!”

We  had to take down our beloved Maple tree out front.  It took out 2 cars; one was Michelle’s bug anIMG_3231d a neighbors car; we didn’t want to lose the house. We put in a fireplace insert to heat the house with the beautiful tree we loved; it all happened at the perfect time as the temperatures dropped to some of the most brutal winters in a long time.  Bart has taken up cutting wood with a chainsaw and splitting trees with a maul; he has worked very hard on some 5 foot in diameter pieces of wood, sometimes spending more energy splitiIMG_0819.JPGng the wood than the heat they gave heat but he gained muscle!

Justine has had the most change in the last 6 years. SIMG_0969ix years ago she was thinking about getting  a cane to help her stand up; anytime she walked 1/2 mile she would loose feeling in her left leg.

BUT GOD!!! It has been 5 years since God gave her a miracle of 5 new vertebra to replace the ones that were broken and fused in her accident 30 years ago. She has been SET FREE from constant pain that she lived with for 28 years! She asked the doctor, “Can atrophied muscle get stronger?” The doctor said, “they can, if their are nerves connected to the muscles.” Justine asked God, “Please connect the nerves (that were cut in the scoliosis surgery in 1976) back to the muscles.”

God has been at work to grow nerves and they are still is growing and connecting to the muscles. This has led Justine to run, she couldn’t run before because it takes back muscles to lift legs and arms, who knew?  She has done two 5k races and runs between 1-5 miles most every day. Justine no longer limps or leans forward; she stands strait and tall and confident. Her mother told her last year, “You are no longer my handicapped child!”

Emotional changes: Justine has been set free from the nightmare of her childhood and is becoming a new person! She is trying new foods and driving places like St.Louis and Louisville to Volunteer at Joyce Meyer Conferences; Watching God at Work! Justine has also started to volunteer at the Kalamazoo Gospel Mission with the children. Justine Believes God has a plan to use her to help broken women become the people God has planned.

Zachery, Michelle’s dog, is 18 years old and still hanging on; I believe he will make this Christmas but I believe it will be his last. Charlie, was brought to us by Michelle 3 years ago; he is 5 years old and he arrived with many emotional issues; he has now found a home and security.  Sam has just joined our family; he was suppose to be Australian Shepard/Border Collie and has turned out to also have some Shar-pei in him, lots of extra skin and sharper hair.  He is beautiful and sweet  and talkative about 4 months old at this point. We still have Fluffy, Michelle’s cat who might join her this next summer and Grace, the fat cat who hunts very well!

We have a full house, becoming very busy at times. Happy New Year  to all  and God Bless each of you with Great Health, Love, Joy, and Peace in Jesus! Amen!

2 messed up people

IMG_7616 (1)At the end of my 9th year of life my mom married her second husband who eventually adopted us: he wanted to hug me and have me reciprocate. What he received was a loud scream!

Mom asked, “Has he done anything?”

I had to respond, “no.”

Mom responded, “You are not aloud to scream when he hugs you.”

HE hadn’t done anything inappropriate but I didn’t want to be hugged: the problem was she didn’t ask the next question!

One day that first summer, I approached mom after dad returned to work: I said, “Mom, now that you are married and don’t have to work anymore, you can spend time with me.” She stood there with a look of shock on her face: the next thing I knew she had gotten a job selling Tupperware.

While my mom was visiting us in 2012 she confessed to me the thought that ran through her head at that moment was,

What have I done!?” (her first husband our dad had kidnapped us)

Sadly, I walk away, realizing I could not trust her! ( I needed her )

Our disconnect showed up a day in 7th grade; my mom was going to pick me up after school, by the light pole, because she was going to be out and about that day. Waiting after school for my mom, feeling insecure, and thinking people were watching me; I walked home. I truly thought I could get home faster than it would take for her to arrive.

Mom told me that she was frantic looking for me; not finding me, she even went into the school, to my locker, asking kids about me, and didn’t find me! I understand now that she was having fear of kidnapping: a flashback to the day she arrived home and everyone was gone!

Soon after that we moved to a new town during my first semester of 7th grade; within weeks of moving we found I had scoliosis: I returned from Christmas brake with a Milwaukee Brace. My mom drove me 90 miles every 2 months to have my spine checked; unbeknownst to my mom, I played sex games with my barbies on the floor of car as she tried to talk to me: I ignored her.

One spring or summer day goofing off with my brother, my mom walked into the garage and asked, “Would you like to talk to a counselor?” not responding, I stood there shocked and unsure; thinking, “What did she want me to do or say?” (This is years before I told her I about my sexual abuse.)

She waited for a moment and said, “If you won’t talk to me, you won’t talk to a counselor!” and she walked out.

How many people live this disconnect everyday of their lives? People injured reacting to their injures and causing more injury to  the people they love the most. WHAT IS THE ANSWER? JESUS AND THE BIBLE!!!! LISTEN AND OBEY!!!


beginning of freedom

This is the first email I wrote about being set free; I was given the word “SHAME”to claim! I see miss spellings and  other things that could be corrected but it is the email I sent 5 years ago.  Much has changed since then.  I will add updates later.

hi everyone. i don’t know if I am the only one who is realizing this but it has been 40 years since we left California and found a safe haven at the farm. I started out the week doing a Bible study in Isaiah. The question asked about 40:23 “those who hope in me will not be disappointed”. My Bible says, “will not be put to shame”. When I read this, the pictures I have had in my mind for the last 40 years came to mind and stayed. God didn’t give me this shame but He showed me this is what I have been feeling for the last 40 years. I am not good enough.

I had words to put to the picture of Keith taking me to a boys bathroom in the park and asking me to take off all my clothes and stand there so he could look at me one last time. The picture in my head is of me standing there fearing someone was going to walk in and see me standing there naked. I do realize this is not what I saw but it is a better picture than the one I actually saw of a teen boy looking at me probably doing something.

I guess what is good is I was given a word to go with the picture. This is my shame! I am believing this is going to leave me now that I have put words to it and cried over it. I also have the before and after pictures from my surgery as my shame also. I stood there in underware pushed down as far as possible as they took pictures of my naked body from all 4 sides.

So I thought it was leaving but other thoughts have surfaced like for the first time I started to wonder how I knew how long we were gone. I know we left in the fall when I was 7. I know we were in Minnesota on a corn farm with a lake for Christmas and New Years. We were all sick sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor with diarrhea. I also remember listening for the chime of the church bells calling for the new year.

I don’t remember having a birthday. I remember living on a dead end street and eating pent butter and jelly sandwiches out of a Uhal until the police came and made us leave. I do remember trick or treating with Keith at the 7 /11. I do know when we arrived in Thief River Falls it was March and almost Easter. So I guess we had a birthday go by.

I think my life has settled down enough to take care of the hurts of my past. It is amazing how anniversaries have meaning. I remember the first church service in at the farm when everyone mobbed my mom after the service ended and we kids were left wondering what we were suppose to do. my guess is this year Easter will have more meaning. Healing is coming. that little girl is still hurt. Healing comes in layers. I think talking with the people who went through this with me will help. The little bit we did when we were together last year was hard but needed.

Luv u all. Tell me what you think. Justine