Pictures

I have learned that it is normal for people to see pictures in their head when they have a thought, or hear a word, for example, dog. Most people will see a dog in their mind. My mind sees nothing but a swirl of colors or shades of grey, if I try very hard, there is possibility of a dog appearing in my mind, but I see it as well with my eyes open as closed. IT is somewhere in my head, I don’t know what is normal.

Revelation, this is how people see words to know how to spell isn’t it? I have heard people spelling a word in their head; my mind needs to actually start to write them and try them out to see if it is the correct word or spelling of a word. It would be nice to see words in my mind without having to put them on the paper. I struggled with the word ‘sure‘ until  my daughter was 7 or 8 years old; she was reading to me and didn’t know how to pronounce the word, as I told her the pronunciation it helped me realize why I struggled to write it.  In the process of writing a note to someone I would start to write ‘sure’ as it sounds, shur and knowing it had an e on the end it would look like shure; I knew they both were wrong but couldn’t understand how it was suppose to be spelled so a different word had to be chosen.

About 10 years ago, God Blessed me, as my middle school daughter was trying to get away with using the internet in her room; I asked God to show me if she was lying, HE DID! He showed me the face my daughter has when she lies; she was wearing it at that moment! It was exciting to Know, God cared enough to help me; I didn’t want to punish my daughter unless, she really was lying.

My councilor told me I had shut mine mind off from seeing pictures in my mind; hiding the bad pictures I was seeing, sometime in my childhood. I have an idea when it was: The moment I knew my mom was not joining us as we moved, Dad said Mom would join us at the gas station. We were at the gas station and she was no where to be found. Sitting in the back of the station-wagon all the colors in my sight started to swirl as they do in the cartoons; my life changed at that moment, age 7.

I was given a good example to help me understand why: while I was running this week, someone in a vehicle called out and as my head turned to see who was calling and my eyes saw them hold a mask out of the window on a stick. That picture has been difficult to get out of my mind.

The book “Every Breath We Take” from Terry Wardle asks people to Relax, Breath calmly, and invite Holy Spirit to sanctify my imagination; I tried this and was Blessed with a memory of myself as a child about 6 years old, sitting on the floor criss cross applesauce and my arms are crossed in front of me, bursting out laughing! I am playing something with someone but it is such a Blessing to have a GOOD MEMORY from my childhood.

God is Going to Teach me how  to have my Memories return and see pictures in my mind again. Since He has been Healing my Mind and Body He has been showing my mind how to build pictures as I go to bed and clothes my eyes; it is like someone using a pencil and quickly sketching a scene and my mind watches as it becomes active. It is rather exciting!

Day of Rest

Today the 25 degree drop in temperatures from yesterday gave me the desire to start a fire in the fireplace bringing my drinks and books into that room to enjoy the heat.  Four drinks lined the coffee table and my thoughts went to Wondering why do I always have a line of drinks with me whatever I am doing? Tomorrow will have to bring my answer to that question because my body is crying to go to bed.

IT has been a day of rest because my core muscles are not wanting to hold me up.  Something about my scoliosis and the 15-18 inch rod in my spine, probably also the slice up my front and back; God is working to give me back my nerves to my muscles but they are not all returned yet.

It is amazing how God pushes me even when I don’t want to sit up to make me run anyway; it was a very slow run about 15mm; the muscles in my stomach were crying out just a bit, but I finished my 3.5 mile daily run. It is amazing that God has given me so much strength that even days I cannot do much I am still able to move enough to get my ALL GREEN on my Fitbit! God uses different things to teach me how to move and not spend my days laying down on the couch all day.

Ten years ago I spent most of every day on the couch laying down; today, He has used this 9/9 hours a day, to get me moving just enough more to add to my strength! When I started to run in 2012 I still spent most of my time on the couch. I did put on weight when I started to run my first thought was I was gaining muscle but in reality I needed the fuel to give me the energy to run. My weight went up to 160 before I became strong enough to run every day;  God helped me realize that I lost weight if I ran, and gained weight if I didn’t run. Today, I AM STRONG; my weight is 135 pounds of solid muscle with a touch of fat and I don’t need extra food to give me strength to run; I eat much better than I ever have, Live food!

My first stretch of running daily was 10 days in a row;I was in Awe that I could do that and garden at the same time. Months late,r in the fall I made 30 days in a row; It was The Spirit guiding and pushing me, no matter how tired I was even if I had to walk portions of it, I ran 2 miles!  I learned to obey when God showed me He wanted me to run 2 miles, no matter how I felt! He was pushing me to get stronger as He is doing today!

Bart pointed out the hourly movement of 250 steps on the Fitbit; God used it to challenge me and I am all about a challenge! Even if I take a nap I make sure to be up in time to make the next 250 steps; this in itself pushes me to get stronger! I am in awe of All God is Doing in my Life and My Body!

GOD IS VERY GOOD! He only wants the best for me and you! The stronger I am the less my body hurts and the more I enjoy Life!

Hearing Again

I heard again, God speaking through another person: type every day. I am in awe of what God is doing in me. IT seems to be my day of rest and here I am at 2 am finishing this story sitting at the computer; 8 pm I was struggling to sit up! GOD IS SO GOOD! Just so you know Jesus is teaching me how to un-clutter my house and let go of stuff.

Today, my mind was drawn to wonder, why do I enjoy shoe boxes; it is something that clutters my house along with other containers, such as plastic and cardboard boxes, wicker baskets, and those sweet boxes that carry apple products.

Does it have something to do with our trip out of California?  Mom was given custody of us and told we had to be out of the state that day or she would loose custody! We children were yanked out of school in a hurry; I still see my hand knitted poncho, my grandma knit, still hanging on the peg by the door. It must have caught my attention because it is still in my mind hanging there as I was being pulled out of the door; I didn’t have any ability to say anything as the adults were ushering me out of the class, to where? I don’t remember anything after that until we were sitting on the plane; Dad (Rich) was yelling at Mom because she was taking his children away from him.  Just a bit of Irony, it had only been  18 months since he had taken us from her in secret deception.

Mom was holding my sister in her arms on the tarmac, (40 years ago we boarded from the tarmac up a set of stairs) as Dad was screaming and grabbing at her necklace it broke; she managed to pick up all the pieces so she could restring it; a jar is sitting in my bedroom filled with that necklace, still waiting to be restrung, maybe I should string it and just finish it.

We 3 children and Mom were sitting on the plane with all our possessions in paper sacks at our feet and the next moment we were landing in MN and my grandma and grandpa came onto the plane and were worried that my jacket was not warm enough for the Northern Minnesota weather. My coat was deceptive; it looked like a rain coat, shiny blue, with warm fuzzy stuff inside. Getting off the plane and into their car driving down a small town, built of brick and snow; we left San Diego, big, warm, the school halls were outside.

The other thought could be the fact that we traveled across the country 8 people in a station wagon towing a u-haul stuffed full, but that is another story.

God Bless everyone who reads this story!

New lessons from God!

5/12/17

We spent 2.5 weeks on vacation going West like we did last year; I will write about it comparing it to last year.  This year was much better, we did find out Sam doesn’t like my music blaring in the back of the RV.

During our visit, we had one of those family things that normally happens no matter what you do; this time I wrote what I felt when getting yelled at or hear myself being talked about.  I gave  it to them and they read it and ignored what I said completely and suggested we play cards. I felt like our family was nuts!

Emotional garbage weighed me down. I know I am made NEW IN JESUS, but this stuff is a deep wound that takes many layers of healing.  Jesus did bring this healing in a phone call from my mom.

 

 

 

 

The first time she called I was a bit nervous because she mentioned the letter I left; she had found it again.  It took a few tries but we did connect and God Did His Miracle!  My mom listened to me and ALL I HAD TO SAY! She didn’t tell me  I was wrong! She heard me!

Sometimes that is all that is needed to be Heard, to know you are not invisible to the people around you. That people actually care enough to Hear What you have to say!

Jesus Changes the Bad to Good! God is Good!

3/14/17

This is a day  of crawl out of bed calling out to God for Help! It would be so easy to stay in bed but I know I need to go.  It was 9:30 I was brushing my teeth and walking out the door to arrive at Bible study with 10 seconds to spare; I sat down as the prayer started and the class began.

The teacher has been trying to get me to understand for a year the need to take myself out of my explanations and I am now starting to realize how important it is. Some people cannot hear  Truth if I am in the middle of it! God’s Truth stands on It’s own.

Knowing How important it is I will start working on it. It will take much work and practice but Jesus will help me!

God is Good!

 

A day with NO TV

I awoke with a migraine this morning; knowing it had something to do with the messages sent and received yesterday.  A friend was demanding too much from me and not giving enough back, I have read a book on boundaries and I felt I needed to put up a fence to protect myself. She lashed back saying maybe I needed counseling, if she had read what I wrote just the paragraph before it stated I have started going to counseling already. I didn’t want to hurt her but I needed to protect myself from outside pressure.

On the other-side of today I received a message from a woman, becoming a new close friend, who gives more than she receives; she blesses me with the words she writes, they lift me up instead of demand of me. I am ThankFull Full of Thanks for the Love she Poured out with Grace and fills me with Peace.

The rest of the day was spent reading the book for book-club, “My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry” by Fredrick Backman; it is pulling memories out of me because my worst year was between 7 and 8 years old and they have issues with bonding between mother and daughter and grandmother. Reading this book feels like my brain on fast forward, never stopping to take a breath; like when I used to tell stories with many bunny trails and only I, knew how they all fit together. Somehow in all the mess a story is building.

A girl who gets picked on by most everybody because she is different; the teachers think she needs counseling because she must be doing something to cause the children to pick on her.  She is lonely and has no friends but her grandma; mom is afraid to get close because it would tap into her deficiency.

San Diego, CA, the place where my life turned. Detectives pretending to be out of gas and wanting to use our phone; they needed to make sure we were the children they were looking for. The detectives come the next day and ask my brother and I to get into the car and go for a ride; how scary does that sound? We just got in! The car stops in front of the daycare where my sister is staying and they cannot get my sister out so everything explodes; my mom, who I have not seen in 12 months, comes to hug me then, Edie, the woman who took her place, arrives to take me back! I AM the Tug in the War between the 2 Moms; they each have an arm and are pulling in opposite directions.

The cops are called, I end up in the state home for kids with trouble and my sister and brother are in some other place; what I remember is feeling alone, I am ripped away from everyone I know! It is not enough my dad decided to rip me away from my mom but now when my mom is trying to get me back I am ripped away from everyone! FEAR!!!!!

I find myself going up to some teenage boy and watching him play some game like pool, so do I go up to the teenage boy because I have lived at boys homes for half of my life? Are teenage boys in trouble, my comfort zone? I know I feared them for the rest of my life until just recently when God Set me Free from The Spirit of Fear!

MY OH MY, what comes out when it is put on paper?

 

New Start

March 29, 2017

Today I went to see a counselor for the first time in many years; I Do Believe it is a Good God thing! After returning home from the counselor, I had strength to dig  and replant my asparagus with ease, even after running and digging today combined with sitting up and writing an email for 5 hours last night. My right side started to complain before finishing the email. Tomorrow might be an interesting day; maybe, just maybe, God will keep me free from pain and able to clean house and finish my bedroom project!  God’s Grace covered me in full tonight!

My counselor asked me one question about the memories God has returned to me, if they are real or something Jesus does to help heal damage? I know they are real because they explain why I react to things the way I have my whole life.

I had no idea that a counselor could help me learn to read clues people are giving me.  I thought she would have to walk around with me every day and tell  me what I am missing. I must be wrong because she seemed to think it was in the something she could help me with.

God is Good!

The Question

I asked God as I fell asleep: Why do I need to have something on to listen to, to fall asleep?

God woke me after 3 1/2 hours of sleep and showed me a video in my mind of the night my father kidnapped me and my brother and sister from my mom. Dad dropped Mom off at the hairdresser telling her to get all done up nice.  Mom thought things might be getting better, no one came to pick her up: the worst day of her life was the beginning of the worst year of my life.

That first night away from my mom was spent at a friend of Dad’s who was not happy with what he was doing.  I was put to bed with the record of “Peter and the Wolf” and “The Nutcracker” which were suppose to cover the yelling that was going on in the other room.

Still today, I need something to think about and listen to keep the bad thoughts and dreams away; these days I put on a podcast from either Joyce Meyer, Joseph Prince, or Ken Copeland.  Many days I fall asleep and and sleep all night but then there are days that I will fall asleep hearing the voice talking and wake up when it quits.  This bothers my husband because he would like it quiet.

Bart is happy that it is podcast because they move from one to another; when I used to put on a CD or a cassette tape, I would flip it over or hit play again and again so it is the same thing played over and over again.  I am not listening to what they are saying unless I am just awake; I need to hear them talking to sleep. On the days I am awake until 3 or 5 AM, I am learning things I need to know about God.  I don’t want to listen to something that is not God filled because I don’t need to add to my bad thoughts or memories coming back in my dreams.

I have been healed enough to be able to fall asleep in the quiet if the power is out, but it is not my normal.

New Surprises

3/13/17
Today is a rest day.  I have spent much of today sleeping or reading the book, “The Faith Club”; I find I have needed to eat my low-fat Ruffles chips to relax my intestines.

Sleeping until 10 am, Charlie said he needed to go out, I fed both dogs and cat returning to bed because more sleep was needed. My phone beeped with a text suggesting I could meet friends at noon;  feeling no get-up-and-go so I stayed in bed until almost 1 pm.

The one thing that brings me peace at this point is watching “Bones”! I have started to watch with the cc captions, pausing to look up the words I don’t know. Learning much, I am so thankful for the ability to look up words on my phone, flunking spelling every year except 6th grade when my teacher understood my struggle and helped me succeed.

Looking up words has always been a struggle not understanding how to tell what sound each letter make especially vowels. Part of this could have come from my moving across the country every 6 months as a kid with the change in how people pronounce letters changes with each state.

God is Good! God Bless everyone who reads this!
3/12/17

I heard the alarm go off at 8, I can sleep some more. AT  8:30 I hit snooze:  once, twice, and three times before the the 9 am alarm went off; hitting the snooze again, I started crying out to Jesus, “Please help!”

Somewhere around 9:10-15 I turned enough to roll out of bed like jello rolls down a hill. My feet found their spot on the ground and my body rolled up as well as it can, to stand with hands RAISED IN PRAISE TO GOD FOR THE ABILITY TO GET UP! I put on my clothes, did my oil pulling, grabbed the offering and walked out the door with my lemon water; maybe I washed my face and put a comb through my hair; it has been known to be forgotten when in a hurry.

Starting my car to warm it just a bit, I dropped one load into the car and ran back into the house to make sure  everything was good and praying to make it on time!  Driving down the street, praying for protection, that God send His angels to keep us safe and for all my family and stuff like the house and animals and cars to be protected in the Blood of Jesus! Arriving with many other cars, we pulled into the parking lot on time; I was so tired my feet just walked to my normal spot near the front, without stopping to talk to anyone! Finding some 5 hour energy in my purse I took a bit to help me stay awake.

Praising God during the service, tears rolling down my face, I was very Thankful God helped me crawl out of bed and I didn’t give in to my body or sleep that tried to keep me home. Leaving the sanctuary, I was feeling all alone, no noticed me or said anything as I slowly walked to the bathroom. SURPRISE, NO ONE was in there; telling God, “I feel all alone, but that is OK, I still have YOU!

A woman walked in as I was heading to the door, and asking how I was.  Not remembering what my response was; we ended up talking for 10 minutes and I believe we will become friends. She is on the Praise Team and is thankful for my Praising of God. This is the second time this Winter I have felt all alone, wanting a friend, and God put someone into my life. God IS Very Good.

Leaving church with a pair of jeans in need of exchange, I stopped at Kohl’s and found the perfect pair of pants I had been looking for, the skinny jeans! Yeah! There was only one pair and its size didn’t match the rest of the pants, it is 30×32 size; I didn’t really know if it would fit but I took that and a size 6 into the dressing room, they both fit wonderfully well! I brought both to the checkout in case I didn’t get to keep my discount as I exchange my jeans.

Last Wednesday, stopping at Kohl’s after a meeting, an hour before closing, I was looking and looking for my desire, not finding it; a pair of jeans in hand I headed to check out as they call for everyone to head to a register to check out with the next best thing to use my free $5 coupon and my $10 Yes2rewards.

Trying to be happy, all I saw was baggy jeans; what fit well last spring and fall have gotten baggy I was not happy. Hoping and praying things would be better at the other store Hoping God had my answer!  Successful in the exchange, I did have to pay a bit more because they were a little more expensive.

I put it on my Kohl’s  card to get the benefit of coupons in the future and paid cash to have $0 balance! We are going to get out of debt and stay out. On the way home, I thought of stopping to get some donuts but I was out of money! That is the way to live God’s way!

3/12/17

New Revelations

3/11/17

Today I woke to my alarm, confused what it was; thinking another hour or more of sleep was available, God popped the time I need to leave into my head; I bet it was God prompting me to put 8 am alarm on because I didn’t want to get up that earl.

Realizing the time to leave was 10:30 not 11:30 I quickly hopped out of bed, put on my running clothes and out the door with Sam then changing dogs in the middle picking up Charlie; I was actually too warm for my short 1.5 mile run with 5 layers to protect me from the 18 degrees !

I got everything done and out the door to my appointment to help a friend. I had no idea what I was walking into, she said she needed help; I heard women’s meeting come volunteer and help me with the women. What I found was a friend trying to put together letters to make her women’s meeting happen.

I don’t know if we are talking the same language; she told me not to say “Set Free” but say “Empower”, I guess she doesn’t understand that I am all about being “set free” and being “empowered” doesn’t do anything until you are set free!

God Bless each of you as WE in the USA Change our clocks tonight and loose and hour of sleep; grumpy people the next few days.

3/10/17

God is so Good! I didn’t sleep until 5:30 AM but I did sleep until noon; I was pleasantly pleased  to get up, raise my arms in Praise and go on my way like I had a normal day yesterday. I did sit more today; probably around what my normal busy day is. I am in AWE of All the Changes God is making in me.

I am on my way to bed; tomorrow I am going to try a new thing, helping a friend with her woman’s group; I will see what help I can do to help set these women free!

God Bless each and every one of you!

3/9/17

Today I thought I was going to do laundry and ironing to clean up all the clothes and get them under control; it ended up being a day taking my bed apart: flipping and turning the mattress; vacuuming all the dog hair from under the bed, and oiling the teak wood to keep it in good condition. I ended up moving my bed a foot to the left because I realized I am the one who wants the cold air and I am not near the window; Bart gets cold because he has been under the window completely!

This day has been a miracle because I didn’t stop to watch tv; I did have it on and listen as I cleaned, but I didn’t sit and enjoy a break.  The break I got was to run my 3.5 miles and God put the idea in my mind to do log lifts to straighten my back. It does help, especially in the summer doing yard work; today it lead to 70 lunges and 30 curls of my log.

It is amazing how my body is changing.  I am not limping or struggling at all; I am even wondering if I should try a plank and pushups or if I should just go to bed.  God is changing me into a new wonderful person.  I did ask God to show me how to clean my house 5 years ago after He healed my body; I had spent 28 years in pain so I could not do much most days, I needed help learning how to change from sitting all the time to  moving all the time! I am excited to see what I am able to do tomorrow. God is Very Good!

3/8/17

WIND! WIND! WIND!

It is not a day for running!

I did take a walk after 11 PM when I realized I was close to getting 10,000 steps and 5 miles; I actually walked 1.3 miles and after arriving back home I saw my goal for 5 miles was still short .4  miles  so I went back out and succeed in achieving this goal just minutes before it turned 12 midnight!

Earlier in the day, I took Sam and Charlie out back to play frisbee; most of the time Charlie was smelling around all his corners while Sam spent most of his time running after the frisbee, all of a sudden Charlie decided to go after the frisbee and take off with it!

Great fun!

 

3/7/17

I met an old friend today. We haven’t seen each other since before all of my healing. I hope and pray She is healed of the afflictions attacking her body.

Today was a good day; I ran my first mile at 11:53 mm! This is a Good thing!

God Bless

A Week of Growth

3/4/17

Follow God: don’t listen to the devil! Yesterday as I was running the devil told me to take a day off to rest; it sounds like something God would say, the problem was it was said as I was running and feeling weak.  God would have told me before, Satan tells you after and puts a twist into the Word of God to fool you.

I had rested Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn’t need to take a week off to rest; that would lead to getting weaker. Talking with Bart helped me to see I need to keep going; I went back out and ran a 12mm! Pretty good for a weak person.

Today I have run 6 cold miles out in the country; done a few loads of laundry; and made soup from chicken bones. God has given me strength and courage to keep going even when it hurts some.

Listening to God I ran 6 miles instead of 4 miles; finished 2 loads of clothes instead of leaving them in the washer to hopefully get before they mold; make soup instead of just putting meaty broth in the frig, we will have soup to eat tomorrow and all week.

If I had listened to the devil I would have done none of it.  God IS Good!!!

3/3/17

Tonight I saw the movie, “The Shack”.  I remember reading the book years ago and knowing it was true/real; as I watched the movie I knew that God had taken me through this process and I have come out the other side a more Wonderful Person: set free from sin and death to walk in His Righteousness and LOVE!

One of the women I was with was mentioning there was no repentance in the  movie; I pointed out that Repentance is turning from following yourself to Following God; God is drawing each of us with His LOVE!!!

Repent and Follow JESUS; LET HIM FILL YOU WITH HIS LOVE!!!

2/27/17

Sam woke me today because he wanted to play; I ended up getting up but my Right back muscle didn’t want to be used, I should come up with a name for these muscles like people name cars or such things. These muscles didn’t want to be used; I walked very straight with slow steps, not wanting to lean forward at all.

My thought is the digging up a small section of the asparagus used my back muscles so totally that it wiped me out for the week.  I made Bible Study on Tuesday morning but could not get myself together to go to my meeting in the evening; I didn’t even run.  Wednesday afternoon I could have gone to the local book club but I had no get up and go; I did run fairly well and hurried on to Jerry’s class but I was using all I had to sit through the class.

Today, as I ran, the second mile with Sam was a slug-fest; my whole back didn’t want to be used, I ran a few yard and walk some and run a bit more and walk some, it felt like mile 11 in a 10 mile run. When I dropped Sam off I sat for a few moments and drank some water before taking Charlie; that helped, I ran a slow normal.

 

 

Grace