The death of my mother and the flu held me back; it is time to take life back.
Life is taking it’s turns for Good and Faith building; I start to get a hold, and it takes another turn, but I am seeing stories to write and will start tomorrow!
God Bless everyone who reads this.
With all the comforts of home: I am sitting in our camper, at the “Wilson Island state Park campground,” in Iowa; using my home 27 inch iMac desktop computer, connecting to my iphone for a hotspot to the internet! Technology is amazing!
SLEEPING arrangement: Last year we started to use a foam mattress-top from home; it improved our sleep on the firm, too small camper bed/sofa mattress, but someone always felt like they would fall off. In this picture to the left, Bart is sleeping on the proper bed, Sam and Charlie are on the folded foam mattress; do you see any room for me? When we are all sleeping on the bed someone feels like they are going to fall off!
Amazingly, we both slept peaceful and sound; despite our bodies feeling the hard floor, beneath the 2 inches of foam!
Our gain: The ability to stretch out to our full length, with the extra bonus: solid back support, and there is no falling from the floor!
The disadvantage of sleeping on the floor: I am still sound asleep after Bart gets up. He always needs to walk the dogs; Sam was very excited and ran to the door, not noticing I am in his path!
This morning I am the Proud Owner of claw marks as Sam tried to get traction as he ran over my face!
I AM Thanking God, Sam missed my eyes.
God IS Good!
I don’t know what you think: I actually Believing God when He said, ” Have Faith and Don’t Doubt … Speak to the mountain … it Shall Happen”. Matt 21:21b
I started To Practice, “Speaking to the Mountain”, by telling mosquitoes they are not allowed to bite me or my family!
A few years ago, I started talking to the mosquitoes; telling them they were not allowed to bite me while weeding my garden. They ARE Listening!
Bart is frustrated; he is spraying on Deep Woods Off and still getting bit by mosquitoes; I am NOT getting bit by mosquitoes!
I TALK TO the mosquitoes saying, “I am in Covenant with The LORD, ‘yad hay vav hay’ (the Name Of God in Hebrew) both under the tithe and Jesus Paid the price for me to walk in the Blessing not the Curse!” I tell Satan, “Satan, take your nasty bugs and flee from me, I am a Child of God and Protected in the Blood of Jesus!”
This is one way I PRACTICE the Walk of Faith in Jesus and His Word; Listening to Holy Spirit, and Father God to guide my every step: Most days.
This summer, we have an over abundance of dragonflies in our yard; Bart looked up dragonflies on the internet, he found they eat mosquitoes!
My thought: God sent Dragonflies to aid us in getting rid of our mosquitoes!
The mosquitoes found their way to my skin today; while I was running, I stopped to talk to neighbors and found it is difficult To Talk To the mosquitoes, in the middle of a conversation with a neighbor.
Words have Power: Talk to your problem! Speak the Solution!
First lesson: Save, Save, Save! I had the unwise thought that once I had posted something, I could add to it without saving it. Surprise! I was wrong.
I rewrote my last post after publishing it, reasoning since it was published I didn’t need to save it again; thinking everything on the internet last forever then BOOM, it disappeared. I know I have not saved a change on a post like this before; how many changes have I made that didn’t stay? I would not have known this except, this time I watched it happen.
It reminds me of a time when my daughter was 3 years old, we took in a baby to watch while her mother was at work. This baby came over with the flu one day; we washed hands constantly and as my hands grew raw from all the washing, I wondered if the antibacterial hand sanitizer kept working after I put it on, I took the chance and didn’t wash again after blowing her nose, guess what? We caught the flu.
SECOND LESSON: Take every thought captive and only keep the Good thoughts! Starting a new class in Ancient Greek, fear and panic overcame me at the end of the first class; I wanted to push the class off to the future, maybe next fall. Possibly, I will be ready for it at that time. Finally I said, “NO Fear allowed!” I picked myself up, went out the door, and changed my thoughts to good possible thoughts like moving my asparagus.
I avoided Greek for a few days until it got close to the next class, then I started to work at it. Someone told me it would be easier than Hebrew. IT Sure didn’t feel like it! I will admit by my second class I could guess at some of the words because they were close enough to the English to make sense; during the second class they introduced the cursive letters and I really struggled because somehow that was suppose to be easy to understand and read.
SURPRISE! Today there were only 2 classmates which forced me learn! I painfully sounded out every letter, sometimes quickly looking up what the letters are in the middle of a word and figure out how to mouth it all together. My teacher could see one particular letter that troubled me; it is amazing how long an hour can take when every second my brain is working on overdrive. Punting, I force the sounds out of my mouth that were not flowing easily. It is embarrassing sounding so mechanical when the other student breezes through the reading like he knows this already.
THIRD LESSON: God is Good and The Devil works hard to take my mind off of Good things by suggesting thoughts that are wrong, hard, or out of my control, to bring me down. The Devil is a lier and wants me to feel condemned and helpless.
I am learning to catch my thoughts faster, keep thinking on Good God thoughts: I am Loved, I am Righteous in Jesus, I am a Saint, I am filled With Holy Spirit and The Grace of God Covers All my mistakes! Amen! I AM STRONG, I AM ABLE TO DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME AND MAKES ME A WALKING MIRACLE! JESUS IS TRANSFORMING ME AND WON’T FINISH UNTIL HE IS DONE! I am a work in progress.
God Bless Each and Everyone, who reads my posts, with Good things!
I have learned that it is normal for people to see pictures in their head when they have a thought, or hear a word, for example, dog. Most people will see a dog in their mind. My mind sees nothing but a swirl of colors or shades of grey, if I try very hard, there is possibility of a dog appearing in my mind, but I see it as well with my eyes open as closed. IT is somewhere in my head, I don’t know what is normal.
Revelation, this is how people see words to know how to spell isn’t it? I have heard people spelling a word in their head; my mind needs to actually start to write them and try them out to see if it is the correct word or spelling of a word. It would be nice to see words in my mind without having to put them on the paper. I struggled with the word ‘sure‘ until my daughter was 7 or 8 years old; she was reading to me and didn’t know how to pronounce the word, as I told her the pronunciation it helped me realize why I struggled to write it. In the process of writing a note to someone I would start to write ‘sure’ as it sounds, shur and knowing it had an e on the end it would look like shure; I knew they both were wrong but couldn’t understand how it was suppose to be spelled so a different word had to be chosen.
About 10 years ago, God Blessed me, as my middle school daughter was trying to get away with using the internet in her room; I asked God to show me if she was lying, HE DID! He showed me the face my daughter has when she lies; she was wearing it at that moment! It was exciting to Know, God cared enough to help me; I didn’t want to punish my daughter unless, she really was lying.
My councilor told me I had shut mine mind off from seeing pictures in my mind; hiding the bad pictures I was seeing, sometime in my childhood. I have an idea when it was: The moment I knew my mom was not joining us as we moved, Dad said Mom would join us at the gas station. We were at the gas station and she was no where to be found. Sitting in the back of the station-wagon all the colors in my sight started to swirl as they do in the cartoons; my life changed at that moment, age 7.
I was given a good example to help me understand why: while I was running this week, someone in a vehicle called out and as my head turned to see who was calling and my eyes saw them hold a mask out of the window on a stick. That picture has been difficult to get out of my mind.
The book “Every Breath We Take” from Terry Wardle asks people to Relax, Breath calmly, and invite Holy Spirit to sanctify my imagination; I tried this and was Blessed with a memory of myself as a child about 6 years old, sitting on the floor criss cross applesauce and my arms are crossed in front of me, bursting out laughing! I am playing something with someone but it is such a Blessing to have a GOOD MEMORY from my childhood.
God is Going to Teach me how to have my Memories return and see pictures in my mind again. Since He has been Healing my Mind and Body He has been showing my mind how to build pictures as I go to bed and clothes my eyes; it is like someone using a pencil and quickly sketching a scene and my mind watches as it becomes active. It is rather exciting!
Today the 25 degree drop in temperatures from yesterday gave me the desire to start a fire in the fireplace bringing my drinks and books into that room to enjoy the heat. Four drinks lined the coffee table and my thoughts went to Wondering why do I always have a line of drinks with me whatever I am doing? Tomorrow will have to bring my answer to that question because my body is crying to go to bed.
IT has been a day of rest because my core muscles are not wanting to hold me up. Something about my scoliosis and the 15-18 inch rod in my spine, probably also the slice up my front and back; God is working to give me back my nerves to my muscles but they are not all returned yet.
It is amazing how God pushes me even when I don’t want to sit up to make me run anyway; it was a very slow run about 15mm; the muscles in my stomach were crying out just a bit, but I finished my 3.5 mile daily run. It is amazing that God has given me so much strength that even days I cannot do much I am still able to move enough to get my ALL GREEN on my Fitbit! God uses different things to teach me how to move and not spend my days laying down on the couch all day.
Ten years ago I spent most of every day on the couch laying down; today, He has used this 9/9 hours a day, to get me moving just enough more to add to my strength! When I started to run in 2012 I still spent most of my time on the couch. I did put on weight when I started to run my first thought was I was gaining muscle but in reality I needed the fuel to give me the energy to run. My weight went up to 160 before I became strong enough to run every day; God helped me realize that I lost weight if I ran, and gained weight if I didn’t run. Today, I AM STRONG; my weight is 135 pounds of solid muscle with a touch of fat and I don’t need extra food to give me strength to run; I eat much better than I ever have, Live food!
My first stretch of running daily was 10 days in a row;I was in Awe that I could do that and garden at the same time. Months late,r in the fall I made 30 days in a row; It was The Spirit guiding and pushing me, no matter how tired I was even if I had to walk portions of it, I ran 2 miles! I learned to obey when God showed me He wanted me to run 2 miles, no matter how I felt! He was pushing me to get stronger as He is doing today!
Bart pointed out the hourly movement of 250 steps on the Fitbit; God used it to challenge me and I am all about a challenge! Even if I take a nap I make sure to be up in time to make the next 250 steps; this in itself pushes me to get stronger! I am in awe of All God is Doing in my Life and My Body!
GOD IS VERY GOOD! He only wants the best for me and you! The stronger I am the less my body hurts and the more I enjoy Life!
I heard again, God speaking through another person: type every day. I am in awe of what God is doing in me. IT seems to be my day of rest and here I am at 2 am finishing this story sitting at the computer; 8 pm I was struggling to sit up! GOD IS SO GOOD! Just so you know Jesus is teaching me how to un-clutter my house and let go of stuff.
Today, my mind was drawn to wonder, why do I enjoy shoe boxes; it is something that clutters my house along with other containers, such as plastic and cardboard boxes, wicker baskets, and those sweet boxes that carry apple products.
Does it have something to do with our trip out of California? Mom was given custody of us and told we had to be out of the state that day or she would loose custody! We children were yanked out of school in a hurry; I still see my hand knitted poncho, my grandma knit, still hanging on the peg by the door. It must have caught my attention because it is still in my mind hanging there as I was being pulled out of the door; I didn’t have any ability to say anything as the adults were ushering me out of the class, to where? I don’t remember anything after that until we were sitting on the plane; Dad (Rich) was yelling at Mom because she was taking his children away from him. Just a bit of Irony, it had only been 18 months since he had taken us from her in secret deception.
Mom was holding my sister in her arms on the tarmac, (40 years ago we boarded from the tarmac up a set of stairs) as Dad was screaming and grabbing at her necklace it broke; she managed to pick up all the pieces so she could restring it; a jar is sitting in my bedroom filled with that necklace, still waiting to be restrung, maybe I should string it and just finish it.
We 3 children and Mom were sitting on the plane with all our possessions in paper sacks at our feet and the next moment we were landing in MN and my grandma and grandpa came onto the plane and were worried that my jacket was not warm enough for the Northern Minnesota weather. My coat was deceptive; it looked like a rain coat, shiny blue, with warm fuzzy stuff inside. Getting off the plane and into their car driving down a small town, built of brick and snow; we left San Diego, big, warm, the school halls were outside.
The other thought could be the fact that we traveled across the country 8 people in a station wagon towing a u-haul stuffed full, but that is another story.
God Bless everyone who reads this story!
We spent 2.5 weeks on vacation going West like we did last year; I will write about it comparing it to last year. This year was much better, we did find out Sam doesn’t like my music blaring in the back of the RV.
During our visit, we had one of those family things that normally happens no matter what you do; this time I wrote what I felt when getting yelled at or hear myself being talked about. I gave it to them and they read it and ignored what I said completely and suggested we play cards. I felt like our family was nuts!
Emotional garbage weighed me down. I know I am made NEW IN JESUS, but this stuff is a deep wound that takes many layers of healing. Jesus did bring this healing in a phone call from my mom.
The first time she called I was a bit nervous because she mentioned the letter I left; she had found it again. It took a few tries but we did connect and God Did His Miracle! My mom listened to me and ALL I HAD TO SAY! She didn’t tell me I was wrong! She heard me!
Sometimes that is all that is needed to be Heard, to know you are not invisible to the people around you. That people actually care enough to Hear What you have to say!
Jesus Changes the Bad to Good! God is Good!
This is a day of crawl out of bed calling out to God for Help! It would be so easy to stay in bed but I know I need to go. It was 9:30 I was brushing my teeth and walking out the door to arrive at Bible study with 10 seconds to spare; I sat down as the prayer started and the class began.
The teacher has been trying to get me to understand for a year the need to take myself out of my explanations and I am now starting to realize how important it is. Some people cannot hear Truth if I am in the middle of it! God’s Truth stands on It’s own.
Knowing How important it is I will start working on it. It will take much work and practice but Jesus will help me!
God is Good!
I awoke with a migraine this morning; knowing it had something to do with the messages sent and received yesterday. A friend was demanding too much from me and not giving enough back, I have read a book on boundaries and I felt I needed to put up a fence to protect myself. She lashed back saying maybe I needed counseling, if she had read what I wrote just the paragraph before it stated I have started going to counseling already. I didn’t want to hurt her but I needed to protect myself from outside pressure.
On the other-side of today I received a message from a woman, becoming a new close friend, who gives more than she receives; she blesses me with the words she writes, they lift me up instead of demand of me. I am ThankFull Full of Thanks for the Love she Poured out with Grace and fills me with Peace.
The rest of the day was spent reading the book for book-club, “My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry” by Fredrick Backman; it is pulling memories out of me because my worst year was between 7 and 8 years old and they have issues with bonding between mother and daughter and grandmother. Reading this book feels like my brain on fast forward, never stopping to take a breath; like when I used to tell stories with many bunny trails and only I, knew how they all fit together. Somehow in all the mess a story is building.
A girl who gets picked on by most everybody because she is different; the teachers think she needs counseling because she must be doing something to cause the children to pick on her. She is lonely and has no friends but her grandma; mom is afraid to get close because it would tap into her deficiency.
San Diego, CA, the place where my life turned. Detectives pretending to be out of gas and wanting to use our phone; they needed to make sure we were the children they were looking for. The detectives come the next day and ask my brother and I to get into the car and go for a ride; how scary does that sound? We just got in! The car stops in front of the daycare where my sister is staying and they cannot get my sister out so everything explodes; my mom, who I have not seen in 12 months, comes to hug me then, Edie, the woman who took her place, arrives to take me back! I AM the Tug in the War between the 2 Moms; they each have an arm and are pulling in opposite directions.
The cops are called, I end up in the state home for kids with trouble and my sister and brother are in some other place; what I remember is feeling alone, I am ripped away from everyone I know! It is not enough my dad decided to rip me away from my mom but now when my mom is trying to get me back I am ripped away from everyone! FEAR!!!!!
I find myself going up to some teenage boy and watching him play some game like pool, so do I go up to the teenage boy because I have lived at boys homes for half of my life? Are teenage boys in trouble, my comfort zone? I know I feared them for the rest of my life until just recently when God Set me Free from The Spirit of Fear!
MY OH MY, what comes out when it is put on paper?