Archive | October 2015

Blaming the victim

This is often a very subtle but sometimes very overt interaction that happens everyday in this world. I found myself doing it today. It may lead to taking offense because you don’t like how someone acts or reacts. Offense leads to bitterness and unforgiveness.

Love forgives what is wrong and covers! Love tries to understand and feel where the other person is coming from.

This week I lost sleep when I woke realizing my mom and sister want to blame me for my lack of ability to feel love as a child.

The Good that has come from this interaction opened my eyes to the fact that my granma’s house was my “safe place”! I have never used words of “love”, always “safe place”.

I now understand I started to feel Love when God entered my life at age 19. The people who I was around when God entered into my life were people from Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship. I have caused hurt to people because I made a post on Facebook about, “the first people to love me”. I should have been more perfectly correct and written, “the people from whom I first felt love”.

IT WAS NOT ME who kidnapped me away from my mom.  It was not me who added new people to the family. IT was not me who decided at age 7 to try sex with a teenage son. It was not me who brought me to a Satanic ritual.

IT WAS ME who protected myself by putting a wall up. I tried to open it to my mom once and she reacted badly. I closed myself back up and trusted no one. I have been learning to trust again BECAUSE  THE LOVE OF GOD HAS BEEN FILLING ME over the last 34 years.

Learning to Understand!

God is Good!


Learning how to Walk in Love


God uses the normal daily walk to teach us how to live like Jesus.


Zachery February 1998!  I brought him home for Michelle to have a pet.  He became work for me.

Zachery sheds huge amounts of hair.  We got a bag-less vacuum because every time I vacuumed I would fill a bag.

We gave Zachery to Michelle when she was 4 years old. She has since moved out of the house and Zachery is left to live out his days with Bart and I.

This last two years God has been teaching me how to Love  Zachery. I have had a friend say we should just put him out of his misery. I believe he was still running with me at the time.  Even if he wasn’t running he was still walking a mile and enjoying life. At this point in time He is at the end of his life. We have adjusted much of our lives to help him live out his days well. He wants to be with us, he still follows us from room to room to be near us.

When Michelle left home Zachery stopped getting the attention he used to. I have learned to figure out what Zachery is asking for.   


I would have never done that in the past. He has lost most of his muscle mass, and his back and hip bones stand out. When I massage his muscles, I see his body relax. He feels better and he has received Love!

Zachery has been a picky eater. He quit eating for a while because he no longer was interested in the food.   We thought his fogy brain was just aging but food helped his thinking. When his brain isn’t thinking he forgets when he is inside and when he is outside. Often to get him to eat I have to change his food with different types of canned dog food or gravy or rice. It is not always easy to understand what he needs are at the time.

Sometimes I need him to go outside or move to another room, and have found MILK-BONE dog bones are a great  encouragement  to get him to follow. There has only been one day he refused the MILK-BONE because he wanted to go out a different door and explore the back yard instead of time in the fenced in area.

I used to walk Zachery around the block (1/2 mile) and even up to a mile for the last few years. I quit walking Zachery 6 months ago because I had to carry him home twice. We eventually realized Zachery was leaving a message that he didn’t appreciate being left behind when Charlie got a walk/run. So now after Charlie comes home I take Zachery for a walk down to the corner and give him the chance to smell the smells of dog life! It has also had the benefit of strengthening his legs to aid him up and down the stairs.

I have come to care about Zachery’s needs and wants. Helping him through the end of his life instead of yelling because he is bothering me. What would Jesus do?

the Battlefield of my mind



The Junk that filled my Mind ever day of my life had to be drowned out by TV, my favorite shows Criminal Minds and Dr. Phil or shows on TBN and Christian Music  like 91.3WCSG. If I didn’t have something to control my thoughts I would go down into a bad depressive loop of sayings in my head.IMG_5556 (3)It has taken 30 years of filling my mind with Jesus and the Bible to drown out the bad thoughts! I now take every thought captive and kick out the bad thoughts and keep the good thoughts! I am the Redeemed in Jesus ! I am LOVED BY GOD!

Every bad and evil thing about me is nailed to the cross! IMG_0501