Winter is coming and going this year: we have sticky snow! I love taking pictures of Nature up close!
Author: Justine
Pride and Humility
PRIDE
Do you hear yourself? “I am older, you should listen to me, I know more!”
Can not an older person learn something from a younger person: see life in a new way? I have lived a different life and learned different things that are TRUTH! They don’t all pertain to you but some of them do: are you TOO PROUD to listen?
In my latest case of dealing with a Proud person, I got shut down: BOOM!!! You are not aloud to talk! I tried again and: BOOM!!! They stopped me again, my knowledge has no merit, according to them.
Matthew 23:6-12 They Love their Place of Honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the marketplaces, add being called by men, Rabbi. But do not be called Rabbi; for One is you Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth your father, for One is you Father, He who is n heaven. And do not be called leaders; for One is you Leader, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.
HUMILITY
I Corinthians 13:4-5 LOVE is patient, love is kind, is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong.
This is for those who don’t believe Jesus talks to people:
John 14: 16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever, the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, you know Him because He abides wi
th you, and will be in you.
John 10:16b I must bring them also, and they shall hear My voice; and they shall become one flock with one shepherd.
John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
I have the Spirit! I hear His voice!
Romans 8:14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
Galatians 516 I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh(senses)
Galatians5:18 If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.
Galatians 5:22 The fruit of the Spirit is Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law.
II Corinthians 5:7 Walk by Faith, not by sight!
Galatians 5:25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.
I will be writing how I started to Understand it was God talking to me; I had no concept it was God the first time I heard HIS VOICE, I thought I was arguing with myself, I didn’t listen or obey: I got into big trouble!
My desire is to Walk by the Spirit every day all day long, it is not always easy; my flesh, my desire wins out sometimes even though my greatest desire is to follow God and His Spirit!
Paul says in Romans 7:19 The good that I wish, I do not do but I practice the very evil that I do not wish.
The answer
Romans 8:1-2 There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set me free from the law of sin and death.
January 2016
Happy Late New Year,
It has been about 6 years of Transformation and Miracles!
Five and a half years ago we Began a new life in a new church: God moved us to begin this process of Transformation. Michelle graduated high school in 2012 and started at the community college. She moved out a year later and has been earning her keep and paying taxes ever since. At this point in time she is working at a dry cleaners and is setting her hopes for management
.
Bart is still working at the same place; the name has changed 3-4 times and it is in the process of changing again: new owners. For a year or two Bart was working half-time in Texas; he was racking up the frequent flier miles and motel points. This last year he finally said he had enough and said, “No more travel!”
We had to take down our beloved Maple tree out front. It took out 2 cars; one was Michelle’s bug an
d a neighbors car; we didn’t want to lose the house. We put in a fireplace insert to heat the house with the beautiful tree we loved; it all happened at the perfect time as the temperatures dropped to some of the most brutal winters in a long time. Bart has taken up cutting wood with a chainsaw and splitting trees with a maul; he has worked very hard on some 5 foot in diameter pieces of wood, sometimes spending more energy spliti
ng the wood than the heat they gave heat but he gained muscle!
Justine has had the most change in the last 6 years. Six years ago she was thinking about getting a cane to help her stand up; anytime she walked 1/2 mile she would loose feeling in her left leg.
BUT GOD!!! It has been 5 years since God gave her a miracle of 5 new vertebra to replace the ones that were broken and fused in her accident 30 years ago. She has been SET FREE from constant pain that she lived with for 28 years! She asked the doctor, “Can atrophied muscle get stronger?” The doctor said, “they can, if their are nerves connected to the muscles.” Justine asked God, “Please connect the nerves (that were cut in the scoliosis surgery in 1976) back to the muscles.”
God has been at work to grow nerves and they are still is growing and connecting to the muscles. This has led Justine to run, she couldn’t run before because it takes back muscles to lift legs and arms, who knew? She has done two 5k races and runs between 1-5 miles most every day. Justine no longer limps or leans forward; she stands strait and tall and confident. Her mother told her last year, “You are no longer my handicapped child!”
Emotional changes: Justine has been set free from the nightmare of her childhood and is becoming a new person! She is trying new foods and driving places like St.Louis and Louisville to Volunteer at Joyce Meyer Conferences; Watching God at Work! Justine has also started to volunteer at the Kalamazoo Gospel Mission with the children. Justine Believes God has a plan to use her to help broken women become the people God has planned.
Zachery, Michelle’s dog, is 18 years old and still hanging on; I believe he will make this Christmas but I believe it will be his last. Charlie, was brought to us by Michelle 3 years ago; he is 5 years old and he arrived with many emotional issues; he has now found a home and security. Sam has just joined our family; he was suppose to be Australian Shepard/Border Collie and has turned out to also have some Shar-pei in him, lots of extra skin and sharper hair. He is beautiful and sweet and talkative about 4 months old at this point. We still have Fluffy, Michelle’s cat who might join her this next summer and Grace, the fat cat who hunts very well!
We have a full house, becoming very busy at times. Happy New Year to all and God Bless each of you with Great Health, Love, Joy, and Peace in Jesus! Amen!
‘
2 messed up people
At the end of my 9th year of life my mom married her second husband who eventually adopted us: he wanted to hug me and have me reciprocate. What he received was a loud scream!
Mom asked, “Has he done anything?”
I had to respond, “no.”
Mom responded, “You are not aloud to scream when he hugs you.”
HE hadn’t done anything inappropriate but I didn’t want to be hugged: the problem was she didn’t ask the next question!
One day that first summer, I approached mom after dad returned to work: I said, “Mom, now that you are married and don’t have to work anymore, you can spend time with me.” She stood there with a look of shock on her face: the next thing I knew she had gotten a job selling Tupperware.
While my mom was visiting us in 2012 she confessed to me the thought that ran through her head at that moment was,
“What have I done!?” (her first husband our dad had kidnapped us)
Sadly, I walk away, realizing I could not trust her! ( I needed her )
Our disconnect showed up a day in 7th grade; my mom was going to pick me up after school, by the light pole, because she was going to be out and about that day. Waiting after school for my mom, feeling insecure, and thinking people were watching me; I walked home. I truly thought I could get home faster than it would take for her to arrive.
Mom told me that she was frantic looking for me; not finding me, she even went into the school, to my locker, asking kids about me, and didn’t find me! I understand now that she was having fear of kidnapping: a flashback to the day she arrived home and everyone was gone!
Soon after that we moved to a new town during my first semester of 7th grade; within weeks of moving we found I had scoliosis: I returned from Christmas brake with a Milwaukee Brace. My mom drove me 90 miles every 2 months to have my spine checked; unbeknownst to my mom, I played sex games with my barbies on the floor of car as she tried to talk to me: I ignored her.
One spring or summer day goofing off with my brother, my mom walked into the garage and asked, “Would you like to talk to a counselor?” not responding, I stood there shocked and unsure; thinking, “What did she want me to do or say?” (This is years before I told her I about my sexual abuse.)
She waited for a moment and said, “If you won’t talk to me, you won’t talk to a counselor!” and she walked out.
How many people live this disconnect everyday of their lives? People injured reacting to their injures and causing more injury to the people they love the most. WHAT IS THE ANSWER? JESUS AND THE BIBLE!!!! LISTEN AND OBEY!!!
beginning of freedom
This is the first email I wrote about being set free; I was given the word “SHAME”to claim! I see miss spellings and other things that could be corrected but it is the email I sent 5 years ago. Much has changed since then. I will add updates later.
hi everyone. i don’t know if I am the only one who is realizing this but it has been 40 years since we left California and found a safe haven at the farm. I started out the week doing a Bible study in Isaiah. The question asked about 40:23 “those who hope in me will not be disappointed”. My Bible says, “will not be put to shame”. When I read this, the pictures I have had in my mind for the last 40 years came to mind and stayed. God didn’t give me this shame but He showed me this is what I have been feeling for the last 40 years. I am not good enough.
I had words to put to the picture of Keith taking me to a boys bathroom in the park and asking me to take off all my clothes and stand there so he could look at me one last time. The picture in my head is of me standing there fearing someone was going to walk in and see me standing there naked. I do realize this is not what I saw but it is a better picture than the one I actually saw of a teen boy looking at me probably doing something.
I guess what is good is I was given a word to go with the picture. This is my shame! I am believing this is going to leave me now that I have put words to it and cried over it. I also have the before and after pictures from my surgery as my shame also. I stood there in underware pushed down as far as possible as they took pictures of my naked body from all 4 sides.
So I thought it was leaving but other thoughts have surfaced like for the first time I started to wonder how I knew how long we were gone. I know we left in the fall when I was 7. I know we were in Minnesota on a corn farm with a lake for Christmas and New Years. We were all sick sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor with diarrhea. I also remember listening for the chime of the church bells calling for the new year.
I don’t remember having a birthday. I remember living on a dead end street and eating pent butter and jelly sandwiches out of a Uhal until the police came and made us leave. I do remember trick or treating with Keith at the 7 /11. I do know when we arrived in Thief River Falls it was March and almost Easter. So I guess we had a birthday go by.
I think my life has settled down enough to take care of the hurts of my past. It is amazing how anniversaries have meaning. I remember the first church service in at the farm when everyone mobbed my mom after the service ended and we kids were left wondering what we were suppose to do. my guess is this year Easter will have more meaning. Healing is coming. that little girl is still hurt. Healing comes in layers. I think talking with the people who went through this with me will help. The little bit we did when we were together last year was hard but needed.
Luv u all. Tell me what you think. Justine
Christmas 2015
The Important Stuff!
We had a wonderful Christmas together: my husband, my daughter, my self, Zachery, Charlie, Sam, Grace, and Fluffy!
The house didn't get clean, the Christmas cards were not sent, Christmas dinner was eaten on the couch watching a movie instead of on the table with the good dishes; is any of that important? Not really. Time together is!
We did put up the lights outside especially the Cross my husband made for me years ago and found a wonderful Fraser fir, live tree at The Home Depot, which is still green and fresh 4 days after Christmas;
it was decorated and we even put a Christmas village under the tree.
Discussion and Revelation:
After dinner, my daughter and I were talking about, how my volunteering at the Kalamazoo Gospel Mission during Christmas vacation, for only 10 hours a week wore me out. She gave me a glimpse of the life she remembered as a teen coming home from school and find me sitting on the couch in-front of the TV; she remembers 3 days of nothing, absolutely nothing being done, and then energy would be found to spend 1 day doing housework, preparing meals or going shopping.
When she talked about not being able to do anything; my body laid down often, because it takes back muscles to sit up; scoliosis and the surgery cut the nerves and atrophied the muscles. I Didn’t understand why my body was so weak; I exercised and lifted weights! It was amazing how my body had one good day a month full of energy to get everything done that needed to get done; of course everything didn’t get done.
Today, God is healing my body so instead of spending 3 days on the couch and one day up and moving; NOW my body has 5 -6 days of working with one or two days of rest! God is so Good!
Ups and Downs
Yesterday we were thinking it was the end of Zachery’s life. He lay still long enough I called my daughter to let her know the time was arriving to say goodbye. Michelle drove over, we cried, we talked, Michelle groomed Zachery and held him in her lap. Something inside of Zachery started to come alive again and he started to eat.
Today, he made himself get up and eat and go outside. He even put himself to bed with my husband, even though I am still up. I don’t know how much longer Zachery has left to live, but spending his last moments at home with family is an act of LOVE!!!
What is Normal?
I was Watching the Dr. Phil interview of Nicholas Brendon; his 12/1/15 interview update, brought up feelings of being a child not knowing what I should feel, how I should act. I have felt this way most of my life. There was turmoil in my life for many years; about 20 months in my grade school years I was used by a teenage boy. I didn’t feel safe to tell anyone tell anyone for another 10 years!
During my Junior High, High School years, before I was able to drive; I would walk 1 mile home from school. A group of boys in my class would walk 30-50 yards before me or after me the first half of my walk; talking loudly, so I would hear. I didn’t understand; I knew I was being teased; was it a good thing or a bad thing? I was being noticed! I wondered every day I walked home, if I got hit by a car crossing the highway, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? Would anyone come to my funeral?
I also wondered if my mom loved me. I remember standing in my bedroom having this thought; asking myself, “Does she love me?” I decided she must love me, she came and found us and fought to get us back. Did I feel it? NO. Did my head know it? yes.
If I had not found Jesus in 1981 I would have had a life of drugs and alcohol, much the same as Nicholas Brendon. Instead, I have found LOVE AND HEALING AND RELATIONSHIP!!!
The healing has taken time; I have not know how to act in social situation most of my life; but Today,
Lead by Jesus,
I am learning!
#SavingNicholas
Zachery’s aging
Zachery has good days and bad days: days he is hungry and days he is not hungry at all, days he walks well and days he needs to be picked up and carried down the stairs. For my sanity, I have started to pick Zachery up and take him outside anytime he moves, or if I have the feeling the 4 month old puppy needs out. It is much easier to take all three dogs out every few hours; it leaves much less mess to clean up.
Sometimes when Zachery gets up, I find he really just wants me to give him attention and Love him and help his tired, atrophied muscles to relax; and sometimes he just wants to go to bed.
Something in Zachery’s personality has changed recently, he used to be one of the dogs that needed to go out when we got home; now there is a need to connect, to know I haven’t left him, a joy that I am home. Zachery has been the dog left home because Charlie needed so much attention, Charlie has anxiety attacks, Charlie goes crazy when he is left alone! Now Zachery is in need, He NEEDS TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR, not just be the other dog anymore.
It is humbling to see the LOVE that Zachery has for me. He is not a dog I have appreciated for the most of his 18 years. He is work to me! I don’t vacuum for dirt, I vacuum for Zachery’s hair! I walk him, I feed him, and I clean up after him; he sheds hair like no dog I have ever seen in my entire life. I just recently realized the fine hair we have had to use a sticky roller to clean off our clothes, all these years, comes from him. He has long coarse hair, but his fine winter coat is what covers my clothes every time I pick him up.
Zachery has worked his Love on me and I now care for him as if he is my child. I try to coax food into him every day; it hurts when he has no appetite, but it is wonderful when he is hungry and eats; tonight he ate almost a full can of dog food! It is hard to figure out what he will eat: he switches from wanting dry dog food, to canned dog food that is all mush, to dog food that is meat and gravy, or rice, home made soup; he even tired of turkey from Thanksgiving!
I clean up after him and treat him with dignity because I know it is not easy for him getting older and he is not as able to control his body as well as he used to. I have been carrying him down the stairs for a little while; partly because it is faster, and partly because it has been hard for him to walk. Then all of a sudden he is walking and going down the stairs all on his own without help and he even has some speed to his walk.
This end of life walk is a bit crazy, God Willing the end will be peaceful.
Nutmeg
My daughter asked me about nutmeg this thanksgiving 2015; I don’t know why she asked, maybe because I don’t put much nutmeg in my pumpkin pie and my daughter’s friend didn’t finish her pie. When I think of nutmeg, a picture comes up; everyone sipping eggnog by the fireplace, being told it is one of those things I am to eat and enjoy. I don’t think I enjoyed it.
We were living in a house with a huge open dining area, vaulted ceilings and a fireplace at the far end. The 8 of us sat on picnic style table and chairs, probably made out of plywood and cement blocks. We made origami on Christmas morning; I remember coming down the stairs seeing the container holding different sheets of colored paper and some animals already made.
We lived in a farm house with a pond we could ice skate on or slip and slide, surrounded by corn stocks and hills to slide down the snow with sleds. We 6 kids slept on the floor in sleeping bags and on New Years Eve 1969 he reached into my sleeping bag and touched me as no 7 year old girl should be touched. I heard the church bells ringing midnight, my dad is downstairs; somehow I know he won’t help!
Eggnog brought up a memory in my daughters mind; a family Thanksgiving dinner at my sister’s house. My sister offered her a glass of eggnog. I said “NO! don’t drink it!” My sister said, “she is in my house, let her try it!” My daughter listened to us argue and drank away!
PTSD, Anxiety, Memories remembered or just felt, pass down from one generation to the next until God intervenes!