Does forgiving someone mean you have to reconcile?
Forgiveness has much to do with taking no offense, not making a person pay you back but letting God deal with them. Letting go of making them pay you back, because they probably cannot pay you back what was taken. It is also cutting the ties that bind you to them, if you are not thinking of how to get back what was stolen you are free to live your life.
Reconciliation is restoring a damaged relationship. If a relationship has no hope to be building you up, or treating you as one loved; it is probably best to not keep it, or at least keep it at a distance and protect your heart.
Love is Patient, kind, and does not take into account a wrong suffered. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things! 1 Corinthians 13.
Years ago our pastor suggested the congregation sit in the quiet and ask God, “Who do I need to forgive?”
I was proud and thought, “I don’t need to forgive anyone!” I was wrong!
God surprised me by dropping my step-dad into my heart. I didn’t understand what I needed to forgive. Over time God revealed the pain, but that is a story for a different time.
After Mom died, Dad needed a caregiver and help deciding to sell the house. God set me up to have the time and energy to be there. Fear filled me as we drove West to help because I could not live in the angry and loud atmosphere, BUT GOD!
Holy Spirit showed me how to walk in LOVE with this man.
This resulted in changing Dad.
He apologized for the very first time and changed enough for me to enjoy being around him. Weeks later, God told me Dad couldn’t have changed without receiving Jesus as his savior.
Years earlier while I was in college, I had the desire to connect with my biological father. I had a plan to meet him over Christmas break. God had other plans. He brought me home to meet Bart, who became my husband.
Bart took me to see my dad before we were married. I learned my memories of life with him were true and I did not feel safe. Thirty years later, I have forgiven and prayed for him until I could be nice over e-mail and not have bad thoughts or feelings. The desire to see him is natural and I have tried, but God has blocked it.
This has brought much contemplation and prayer. I decided my dad has never apologized or admitted any wrong doing. How can I have a true relationship with him when he does not admit causing any pain?
What I know, if God wanted me to meet him again He would have opened the door: instead God closed the door.
Jesus said, if someone hits you across your cheek to give them the other cheek. He says to show Love not anger, but He may not want you to be in a close relationship for your safety.
Walking in Love is being humble, strength under control. Jesus had his life threatened many times but God kept Him safe until it was time for Him to lay down his life.