Running versus Anxiety

Sixth grade is when the seed to run is planted. A cross country race in the fall is my first exposure. We are bused to a park near the river, line up and wait. Directions to run are given and we hear Mr. Obie yell, “On your mark, get set, RUN!”

As we take off, the ground rises and falls before us. The whole 6th grade class runs through the trees and over downed branches; the crowd thins out and I notice the cute new boy, Scott. He trips and falls! “Scott, are you OK?”

He responds, “No big deal, Look at this!” He picks up his hand and a stick has pierced it through!

I scream in fear,  other kids yell out, “HELP, MR. OBIE, HELP, WE NEED YOU!!!”

Scott is whisked off to the hospital and the rest of us are told to kept running!

FROM ACCOMPLISHMENT TO REGRET

Spring arrives with Track and Field and a chance to join the relay race. Mr. Obie lined up all the 6th grade girls in a grassy field and told us to RUN, as fast as we can! Four girls and one alternate are chosen to run in the girls relay race for the city wide competition: I am among the 4 fastest!

The day of the race arrives, beautiful and sunny. It is 65 degrees with patchy clouds, and a light Spring breeze, as we walk into the University of North Dakota college outdoor stadium. Mr. Obie says, “Choose a second track and field event and go participate in it.”

Scanning the field and it’s different activities, I respond, “I will try the high jump. How hard could that be?”

Walking down to the field, I join the the back of the line and watch the other participants, hoping to discover what is expected. We are a bunch of 6th grade boys and girls with no instruction, attempt to jump over a bar 4 maybe 5 feet in the air; most of us fail by running into the bar, or knock it to the ground. Just as I witness the first person make it over the bar, a small cloud overhead releases its content and a light rain falls on us.

Finally it is my turn, I run as fast as I can and jump! I didn’t even make it up to the bar, how embarrassing!

Frustrated and not sure where to go, I search the stands and find the group of teachers from Windship grade school. I head towards them and sit down; a light breeze flows through the stadium, it chills my damp body. I start to shiver. Teachers notice me and offer, “Would you like to come sit by us, we can help you warm up.”

I move closer and a teacher puts her arm around me to warm my shivering body.  Another teacher offers, “My pick-up camper it is in the parking lot, I will get a blanket from it.”

My friend Tina arrives, “Mr. Obie sent me to collect you for the relay race!”

Shivering violently, I respond through chattering teeth, “I am too cold to run!”

The teachers discuss my problem, wondering what is wrong. Two or three times someone arrives, trying to get me to join them to run the race; I am paralyzed in fear, not understanding, but also not able to leave the arms of these compassionate women.

The race goes on without me, and my team wins.

Heading home, I think “Mom is in the hospital; I need go to a neighbor’s house after the race.”  As I knock on the door, fear rises, as spring weather threatens. The door opens and I am safe for a while.

Later at home I am overwhelmed and scared, peaking around the corner I see my step-dad arrive from the hospital, “Isn’t Mom coming home, today?”

Dejected, Dad responds, “Not tonight!”

FEAR AND ANXIETY RISE!

Back at school it is awards day, Mr. Obie gives out all the awards and ends up with one extra ribbon for 3rd place.

I ask, “Mr. Obie, can I have the left over ribbon to remember, I could have won!”

Mr. Obie looks at me strangely, and hands it to me.

When Mom arrives home, I ask, “Mom, can I have your hospital bracelet? I want to put it in my scrap book.”  I add 3 things to my 6th grade scrap book, Mom’s hospital bracelet and phone number with the third place ribbon, to remember.

 REGRET

Changes come in Junior High: just before thanksgiving, we move to a smaller town an hour away; not only do I change schools in the middle of 7th grade I return from Christmas break with Scoliosis and a Milwaukee Brace. It extends from my chin to my pelvis, making everything quite difficult and painful: running disappears from my life. I keep to myself alone and afraid.

In 8th grade I make a friend, she shares my locker. When they announce the beginning of girls basketball I ask, “Jennifer, do you think we should join Basketball? It could be fun.”

Jennifer responds, “I don’t know? It might be fun. It is meeting in the math room.”

We start to walk to the first meeting.

About to open the door, Jennifer offers, “Do we want our math teacher teaching us Basketball?”

We Both agree, “NO!” and walk away.

SUCCESS

The Summer before ninth grade, (still in Junior High but also a freshmen in High School)  I endure a spinal fusion and wear a full body cast for 9 months. It comes off in time for me to choose gymnastics for my elective gym class.  I am very flexible and manage to do well even if I have a 12 inch rod holding my spine in place. During my gymnastic test I use my elbows to compensate for my solid spine and succeed in a forward roll, how is that for creative!

 MORE SUCCESS

During my Junior year in college, a friend takes up running to get in shape; it spurs my desire to run again!

I start out in the local neighborhood, probably running only 1/2 a mile at a time.  During summer break I visit my grandma on her farm; foolishly, I decide to run around her block. A country block in Minnesota is a square mile, I take off running and my body quits about half way around the block. I think about taking a shortcut through the fields but am too scared. Worn out, I push myself the rest of the way home.

DELAY

A Major accident during my senior year of college, adds Pain and Weakness; my body no longer has an ability to run. I graduate college and get married, and move on with life. Ten years later, we adopted our daughter; holding her continuously during the first 6 months strengthens my muscles. Meeting my parents at a park I have the desire to run again. I pick up my legs and run for the first time in many years, it is only a parking lot but I am able!

The strive to run, continues for the next 20 years; I often try running as I walk with my family, seldom able to run more than a block at a time and then only on Good Days. In my 40’s, I start to understand my body and it’s weaknesses. A doctor explained that scoliosis surgery caused my weakness; understanding comes as I realize it wasn’t my accident causing me weakness.

My new doctor is good, she listens to my lungs and heart, and tells me I needed to do core exercises: I exercised almost EVERY DAY! One year, I have the desire to ask, “Can atrophied muscles could get stronger?”

Her answer, “they are able to get stronger if they are connected to nerves.”

HEALING LEADS TO MORE SUCCESS

Learning: I exercise to keep the strength that I have, but I am not able to grow muscle. The muscles that I have are weakening with age. My back muscles are so weak and atrophied from the surgery 40 years earlier that I have trouble lifting my right arm above my head; and my limping leg changes from my left side, (my accident) to limping on my right side( my scoliosis surgery). I finally understand why.

With the information that my muscles needed to be connected to my spine by nerves, I asked God to connect them.  A few months later, I get up to check on dinner and  I notice something different  I tell my husband, “I Feel my back for the first time since 76!”

I AM NOW building strength in my back muscles, able to run a mile, often! Soon I am able to connect days together and run 5 days a week! During this same time I Receive 2 instant miracles that take away pain from my accident. I am set free from the 35 years of constant pain: running is much easier!

Today, I am getting stronger every day and running longer distances every year.  Twice I have run a 5k race and my daily run has increased to somewhere around 3-5 miles.  Someday soon I will find a 10k to run and then a 1/2 marathon.

God is Good!