Month: January 2026

Keep Going, Trust!

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Something in my soul is ready to erupt but…

Yesterday feels as if it is a waste. Depression is trying to take hold. I can’t even listen to music as I pray. “The House of David,” becomes my comfort.

Keep Going!

God helps me realize my strength IS growing!

Some days are recovery.

I did run 3 days ago.

Today, starts with some energy!

Yeah!

I start laundry and do a few loads!

My husband reminds me we accomplished paperwork yesterday. It doesn’t feel like much but it is important!

Sam is suggesting we walk at 10:00 P.M., looking at the temperature for how to dress, it is 4 degrees with a wind chill of -2 degrees. Not bad. We do have winter this year.

The picture is not the best but it proves we got out into the winter weather all dressed up for the cold.

Keep going putting one foot in front of the other.

Pick one more thing up off the floor.

Maybe make a new dish for dinner.

Find something to enjoy! I enjoy snow! I enjoy snow pictures!

God Bless each of us with get up and go!

God Help us find JOY and LOVE TODAY! AMEN.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Peace Returns

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It has been a full seven days since my last run.

First today,  I made it to choir practice. It is the first time in a week to make it to church. Then I went running in snow with warm temperatures of 14 degrees which feels like 5 degrees, and taking a relaxing hot bath! My blood pressure drooped to 84/65!

Last week was stressful:

Watching our neighbor’s dog with an added stress presenting itself.

My siblings contacting me, wanting me to discuss things I want to stay out of.

Missing church and prayer meeting because of weather.

Monday my blood pressure was up to 152/91!

My counselor helped me remember I have worked hard for the last 20-30 years to change my attitude from, “Why try because everything will go wrong,” TO “I Trust God! He wants Good for me! I Know He has everything handled! GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!”

I Choose Joy!

Romans 8:28 We know that God causes all things to work together for Good to those who Love God and to those who are called according to His Purpose.

I have learned to give God my stress and worry and leave it with Him. My body tells me if I have taken it back. Sometimes it is hard to leave it with God for that I have learned how to WORSHIP! IN REAL WORSHIP OF GOD, ALL MY WORRIES FALL AWAY!

God is changing all the garbage of my childhood into a ministry of helping anyone in need of encouragement.

Last fall, I met a retired social worker. When she heard a bit of my story she was confused at my Joy.  My story fit in with everyone else’s story but my attitude has a different feel than she has been accustomed to.

God does work miracles in people and most of them take our agreement. I purposely choose to change my thinking from:

“I messed everything up again and said everything wrong!  I lost another friend.”

The words on my fridge remind me,

“I am a child of God and He works everything for Good because He LOVES me.

I am LOVED. 

I am the Beloved.

I am the Righteousness of God in Jesus!”

Confessing for 20 years that I am the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus has washed my soul clean from most of the garbage planted as a child.

IF you want to change your thinking and attitude just ask Jesus to come make you clean and fill you with Holy Spirit. Read the Bible, His Word, and ask Him for His guidance and understanding. He will show anyone asking what to do and how to act.

Joyce Meyer learned how to be a Christian in the grocery store as God taught her to put the cart back! And many other things about acting righteous and having a good attitude through all situations.

God Bless us all with Peace and Joy in Jesus! Amen.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD

Scoliosis

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Today took me by surprise!

After waking at 2:20 P.M., I was struggling to be able to walk from the bedroom to the living room.

This in itself is not strange but the fact that I could not get going and every trip to the bathroom was with the speed of a sloth all day!

I end up texting to say I can not make choir practice because it is too far to walk.

After this I start my day with coconut oil pulling and drinking lemon-lime water, ending with a breakfast of 4 fried eggs and dry toast with sausage.

Soon after this I fall asleep and sleep until 12:30 A.M.. It is now 4:42 A.M. and God is suggesting I write a story before going to be. Typing seems to be going fine or actually well. Amazing.

Missing choir practice because of not being able to walk is a new thing.

Life is not a straight shot up to strong and healthy. The body wears out and needs rest. Wouldn’t it be nice to know when my body is going to shut down?

It is my back muscles that control most every thing I do! They quit helping me move because  the 12 inches of metal make my muscles tire and want to quit being used.

Two days ago God gave me the ability to get up and move at about 8:00 P.M.. I suggest walking around the block even though the windchill is below 0!

 

After the walk I make food and eat a salad which takes an hour or more.

 

 

At 1:00 A.M. I start making coffee cake and have a bite before cleaning and moving furniture around in the living room.

One thing I have learned is I need to do what I have energy to do when I have it because it won’t be there in the morning. This is why I am cleaning at 3:00 A.M. because I am able. It has been many years since I have done this so it is time to get at it again.

 

 

Tuesday I run 3 miles with the windchill of -1 dropping to -3 before I finish. I felt the difference.

The pictures are for your enjoyment. Winter snow and sunlight are a joy to me.

Remembering tomorrow is a new day! 

We all have another shot to get busy doing life. Keep pushing forward each day knowing God is with us helping us when we ask and sometimes because someone else asks.

Find Joy even when things don’t go the way we want.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

Did I Do Good?

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I ask God all the time, “Did I Do Good?”

This comes from the many times I have done exactly what was expected and end up in trouble.

Living in the house of our new dad, I am in trouble for plugging the Christmas lights into the outlet. I am 10 years old.

Our weekly job is to oil the teak furniture. Looking for the approval I go into Dad’s office and oil the teak desk. I am very careful to pick everything up to oil under it and not move anything out of place.

When he arrives home and I tell him of the good job I did.

He responds, “HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY STUFF!”

It is confusing because the whole house is his and we are ironing his underwear and polishing his shoes.

Eleven years later, after my accident when they finally allow me to leave, the doctor tells me,

“Do not put your foot down until I see you!”

I am staying at a house of a friend’s parents. When they take me to the doctor’s office, the first thing he says is,

“Why are you still on crutches!”

This makes the people I’m staying with think I am trying to get sympathy.

I believe the doctor realizes his mistake but doesn’t say anything. Instead he gets busy measuring my broken pelvic bones and how far they moved.

He says, “You lost half an inch on your left side.”

There are so many other times I am in trouble for obeying.

What I need is healing.

Jesus is the Biggest Healer.

He is able to heal this open wound.

I know He Accepts me and is Proud of me every time I try!

Is this a daddy wound I need healed?

Psalm 27:10 my father and mother have forsaken me, But The LORD will take me up.

The meaning behind this is He is picking me up and adopting me because my parents cannot do what I need them to do.

Psalm 27:11 Teach me Your way, O LORD, and Lead me in a level path because of my foes. 

There were years I spoke this out loud every time I got into my vehicle to drive somewhere. Why? I don’t know, it came up out of my spirit to protect me from what ever was out there. It didn’t occur to me that it was in the 27th Psalm.

God does heal especially when we ask. Sometimes it is immediate but other times it is slowly over time.

Maybe just maybe what this is about is becoming the adult that I am suppose to be and not cowering when confronted by an authority figure.

God has been working on this and telling me,

I AM WORTHY!

I AM WORTHY TO BE LOVED!

I HAVE ENOUGH WORTH TO ASK FOR HELP!

Does my story flow?

Do you understand it?

Is this a way God brings healing as we walk through questioning things, and realize other things are true that each of us has WORTH!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD! GOD BLESS EACH PERSON WHO READS AND UNDERSTANDS. AMEN.

Learning to Respond NOT React

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Falling for the text meant to rile me.

I have spent two days in a text conversation with my brother who I hardly talk with. After getting it shut down and I am pondering, “What did I say that made him think I am anti people of any race?”

Instead of defending myself I need to Trust Jesus with this. I need to either not respond or ask the question, “Where did you get that from what I said?”

Help me Jesus! Help me walk in the steps You want me to walk in and Be LOVE especially  in stressful situations.

Jesus, Help me THINK and RESPOND and not react.

God Says, “Write It!”

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This story is not for everyone.

Do you ever have dreams that bring up something from your past you never want to remember?

God is reminding me of James 5:16, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”

I want to preface this story with the fact that the first 10 years of my life were hyper sexual.

About 2014-15  I met my dad’s sister, for the first time in 50 years. I brought a video received from my dad and I wanted to ask if she knew some of the people.

The video has a quick look at me taking a bath with my dad and I am about 3 years old. My aunt runs out of the room so fast, I know something’s wrong with this picture.

I have memories of taking baths with my dad up to age 4 or 5 years.

This exposes how skewed my norms are! 

From the ages of 7-10 I was kidnapped, trafficked, (taught how to please a man), given as an offering to Satan by my dad and used by 5 teenage boys, then rescued.

Mom saves us and brings us out of the cesspool, but the cesspool is in us.  Now I feel the need to teach what I have been taught. The boys I meet at 9 years old I bring into a closet and teach them how to kiss.

After a few years on our own Mom marries a man, (Dad 2,) who will protect her from her first husband. On their blind date she asks him if he will protect her from her first husband who is in town wanting time with his children.

I notice when we move in with Dad 2, he doesn’t ever come out of his room without being fully dressed. Somehow this translates into my broken soul as safety and I never again feel the need to teach a boy to kiss.

Before I enter teen years I am found to have scoliosis and am fitted for a Milwaukee body brace. This entails a body cast put on my naked body so they can form the brace. Two years of wearing the body brace, my spinal curve grows from 35 degrees to 65 degrees.

I am set up for surgery.

They take before and after pictures of my naked body. After the surgery I need a body cast to live in for 9 months. There is nothing like having grown men talking about girls as they cut away the chest piece so I am able to breath but it leaves my developing breasts open and smoothing the cast around the groin. Just a bit traumatic.

With the cast and brace gone I am skinny with a little figure and my brother’s friend takes me for a drive. He puts his hands where I don’t want them but who am I to say anything? Then he takes my hand and puts it where I really don’t want to go. I hear around school that I am easy. No one ever told me I had any right to say no.

Society influences us easily when we spend much of our lives without boundaries. After watching the Carol Burnett Show do a skit on strip poker, my brother and friends decide to try it. I am about 15-16 years old.

I CHOOSE TO NOT LIVE THIS LIFE.

We are drinking in our friends basement and playing card and stripping with the losses and it turns into to a sexual encounter.

God has shown me this is a turning point, I choose this point to decided I don’t have to do this. I closed my legs and decided no matter how good it might feel I didn’t want to go there. No one forces me so it is a start to change.

The consequences of my childhood start being exposed when I meet a guy I feel safe with. We meet in February of my senior year in high school.

I give in to sex because that is what I have been taught, but every time he gets on top of me I weep and cry. A breakthrough arrives with summer. A group, (I am the youngest) camps at the lake and I drink 8 cans of beer,(the only time in my life to drink that much).  This deadens my emotions I am able to go through with sex. It feels like an accomplishment.

After that my mom realizes what is going on and writes me a letter. She says I should be bringing my boyfriend around and not hiding out because that is when sex happens. Little does she know what I was taught at 7 years old with her first husband and friends. I lived in shame and hide all my experiences but it is what I know.

Healing begins at age 19 when I truly find Jesus! Holy Spirit has given me great desire to study the Word which gives me a safe set of guardrails to guide my life. I dig in deep because He is The Safe Place of ALL TIME.

God has been healing all these years but one big healing is when God took Keith, the teenage boy who taught me how to please a man, out of my head so I could make love with my husband and not have to have the TV on to distract my mind.

God heals me and at 50 I am set free! I am finally allowed to make LOVE with my husband and it is only my husband on my mind.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Working on the Tulip Bulbs

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It was suppose to be 55 degrees and sunny BUT,

45 degrees met me with cold wind and clouds.

It is disappointing to dress for the chilly weather when expecting warmth of sunshine.

Getting outside I realize my body doesn’t really want to work. My beautiful husband is gracious and grabs the chair for me to sit when needed. During the first hour the chair does come in handy.

After a bit my body seems to warm up to the work and I am able to shovel from the ground while sitting on my pillow. It is just easier on my back muscles to work from the ground.

 

When I am sitting and digging there is much less movement in the up and down with less bending over. Sitting on the pillow I succeed in shoveling, planting and  covering the bulbs.

My plan was to separating the types of bulbs into tulip, hyacinth and daffodils to plant them in some order. It kinda worked last week, but this day it is about getting them in the ground.  This is the second half of what was planted last week. These all got into the ground but some of them dried up the months they waited to be planted. Most of them were in good condition.

 

I seem to have built up a hill sorting through the dirt to get all the roots left from weeding this summer.

 

 

 

 

I still have bulbs left to put in the ground hopefully they will get in the ground tomorrow.

But then, the snow starts and continues for a month!

The later it got in the year, the more I started to wonder where I was going to store the bulbs so they don’t freeze but get cold enough to grow in the spring. I started asking God what do I do? Cover them with dirt? Put them in the breezeway even tho it is freezing? I don’t know!

December 23, 2025 God gave me the ability to plant the rest of the bulbs. God gave us a sunny 50 degree day and two strips of thawed ground to plant the rest of the bulbs. When I tried to get extra dirt from a different area the ground was frozen.

God Cares about the little things we care about.

Be brave and ask for help in what is important in your life!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.