The questions rolling around in my mind for the last 10 years are being answered.

About 6 weeks ago my sister received a package of letters and pictures from our childhood. Some of the pictures have sent me spinning and a letter to the court shows delusional thinking.

Asking for help the first place says, “We cannot help you.”

Turning to God I ask, “I need You to set me up with the perfect person to help me!”

That evening I receive an email from a counselor. She appreciates my email address.  Only God can turn a no into a yes.

Sometimes getting the answer to the question means facing the possibility that the worst might have happened.

ONLY JESUS CAN HEAL THIS KIND OF HURT.

God Says, “Be anxious for nothing!”

I learn this blessing in 1997.

Moving from a town of 30,000 where my husband walks home for lunch, to a city with an hour transit each way brings anxiety filled changes.

Reaching our new city we hear the radio announce the city’s achievement of passing the goal of a million people, and we witness three accidents before we reach our new neighborhood! Fear becomes my constant companion especially when I need to drive.

Playing with my daughter outside, I notice each evening vehicles drive down the road, into a garage, which swallows up all the proof that people live here.

Finally, I find friends through MOPS. Collecting phone numbers, I call every number talking about fears and frustrations daily.

I often call back and ask, “Have I told you this?”

My friends didn’t stay friends long.

One day, I hear Joyce Meyer preach how she learns to give all her worries to God. She finds Peace and become board as anxious thoughts leave.

As I start to do this, the worry phone calls diminish and my mind is not as busy. This is not a successful only journey, but with each step in the direction of giving away worry, life becomes more enjoyable. Philippians 4:6-8

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

When I spend time in prayer and praise (above)

I receive (below)!

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I am successful at one point and notice Peace fill my soul. I wonder what am I suppose to think about if I am not worried or anxious? The answer:

Finally, brethren, 

         whatever is true,

                 whatever is honorable,

                         whatever is right,

                                  whatever is pure,

                                        whatever is lovely,

                                               whatever is of good repute,

                                                        if there is any excellence,

and                                                            if anything worthy of praise,

                                                                              let your mind dwell on these things.

                                                                  GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Some days feel like everything goes wrong even when  trying to do right.

Today seemed to be telling me that I messed up, so what do I do?

Talk to God and ask for guidance!

Today, my plans are not  important! Take care of my husband. First, make a good breakfast to help the day go well.

Second, run while the sun is up. Cold returned so I layer up.

My muscles are not ready to run!

BUT GOD GAVE ME  A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET TO SAY,

“I STILL LOVE YOU!”

GOD SO IS VERY GOOD!

Spending 5 hours on a one page document and it fails!

What did I do wrong? Why isn’t it working?

Thoughts of defeat fill my mind. Discouraging words escape my mouth. Fear and complaints fill my soul.

After a good walk, God reminds me to Believe!

He says, “Change your words! Speak life! Speak words of encouragement!”

It is amazing how a WALK and CHOOSING to change my words improve my day!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

A letter to my daughter, explaining  Joy entering my life!

My senior year of high school, Hardee’s opens and I’m hired. This is two years after my body cast comes off. I start to grow as a person.

One day a coworker asked me to tag along with her and her boyfriend. This introduces me to drinking.

That evening I meet a man who becomes my boyfriend.

Driving me home,

He asks, “Will you allow me to kiss you?”

Shocked I reply, “Yes.” Can I really trust him?

Hanging around with my new friends I start wanting to feel more apart of the crowd.

“God,Is it ok to use Your Name in vain so I can fit in with my new friends?”

God stays quiet.

In the fall, I move to the UND. My boyfriend gives me a stuffed dog.  This dog becomes my security blanket for the next 10 years. Driving home every weekend I carry my dog.

The Juxtaposition of my life shows up when I am able to try out for the women’s choir but cannot look to see if I succeed! Anxiety keeps me afraid of the music building my whole four years. Eventually I meet a women who hears my name every day because I had made it. This has been my greatest regret that I didn’t push past my fear and find out I was good enough.

Finishing my Freshman year I learn Dad finds a job in Oregon. Do I go or stay?

Seeking counseling, I decide it depends on my boyfriend quitting alcohol. He visits drunk, I have no ability to live on my own so I move West.

No one enjoys moving West. My summer sorting cherries is not fun. Instate tuition takes a year, so I move back to UND. My classes and finances are waiting for me but the one thing I canceled, my dorm room!

The one bright spot from my freshman year was the girl across the hall, we keep in contact. I remember she is in a singing group and I still want to sing.

I ask, “Can I join your singing group with you?”

She say, “Yes!”

We walk together and find about 6 other students wanting to sing. First we have Bible study then we break up into pairs to talk and pray. At the end we all circle, hold hands, and pray in a conversational prayer.

I realize they have something I don’t!

“God, I want what they have!”

God Answers without words, BUT

I AM FILLED WITH LOVE, AND JOY!

This from this point on everything in my life changes.

I make friends!

I learned how to have fun without drinking and hangovers!

I am accepted by people!

I meet my husband and hope for a daughter.

LOVE and JOY FILL ME with a byproduct of HOPE!

God will fill you if you ask just as he fills me daily!

God is Very Good!

Life has been so grey for so long it is wonderful to have sunshine and beautiful sunsets!

God Bless you and your day! In Christ Jesus Name I Pray! Amen!

Fear fills my soul.

“I did it again! I lost another friend! I call but no one picks up.”

I’m trying to believe it is a lie! The fight is difficult!

I tell myself, “She is busy or her phone is out of battery.”

All I did was leave her side to say hi to a new friend.

Dread is all consuming.

Breakthrough arrives:

Pastor Steven Furtick says, “There is NO CONDEMNATION!”

THERE IS THEREFORE NOW NO CONDEMNATION IN CHRIST JESUS!

Finally it hit. I was feeling condemned. This is not a God thought. God did not plant the thought in my mind! LORD, Help me catch on more quickly.

The devil is real! He plants thoughts to shut me down.

Of course an unanswered phone call is a set up to make me suffer. Evil forces we cannot see enjoy messing with God’s people to derail God’s plans.

Isn’t it wonderful to have friends that don’t leave at a drop of a hat.

GOD IS SO GOOD!

Many churches call a fast in January to start the year connecting with Holy Spirit.

I have fasted food 24 hours, but the thought of a whole week is beyond me at this time.

Would I have the strength to run without food for more than one day? Running two miles every day is priority.

Fasting usually deals with leaving something out so giving up my comfort works as I continue to run daily in negative temperatures.

It is amazing how creative a person can be to stay warm in these frigid temperatures.

The coldest night was -9 and a few days of running were with the windchill at -20,  too cold to run the dogs the whole two miles.

Sam ran one mile and said, “Home please!”

Charlie said, “One block please, only one block!”

I continued running with God discussing this craziness, but I finish!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!