God Says, “Write It!”

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This story is not for everyone.

Do you ever have dreams that bring up something from your past you never want to remember?

God is reminding me of James 5:16, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”

I want to preface this story with the fact that the first 10 years of my life were hyper sexual.

About 2014-15  I met my dad’s sister, for the first time in 50 years. I brought a video received from my dad and I wanted to ask if she knew some of the people.

The video has a quick look at me taking a bath with my dad and I am about 3 years old. My aunt runs out of the room so fast, I know something’s wrong with this picture.

I have memories of taking baths with my dad up to age 4 or 5 years.

This exposes how skewed my norms are! 

From the ages of 7-10 I was kidnapped, trafficked, (taught how to please a man), given as an offering to Satan by my dad and used by 5 teenage boys, then rescued.

Mom saves us and brings us out of the cesspool, but the cesspool is in us.  Now I feel the need to teach what I have been taught. The boys I meet at 9 years old I bring into a closet and teach them how to kiss.

After a few years on our own Mom marries a man, (Dad 2,) who will protect her from her first husband. On their blind date she asks him if he will protect her from her first husband who is in town wanting time with his children.

I notice when we move in with Dad 2, he doesn’t ever come out of his room without being fully dressed. Somehow this translates into my broken soul as safety and I never again feel the need to teach a boy to kiss.

Before I enter teen years I am found to have scoliosis and am fitted for a Milwaukee body brace. This entails a body cast put on my naked body so they can form the brace. Two years of wearing the body brace, my spinal curve grows from 35 degrees to 65 degrees.

I am set up for surgery.

They take before and after pictures of my naked body. After the surgery I need a body cast to live in for 9 months. There is nothing like having grown men talking about girls as they cut away the chest piece so I am able to breath but it leaves my developing breasts open and smoothing the cast around the groin. Just a bit traumatic.

With the cast and brace gone I am skinny with a little figure and my brother’s friend takes me for a drive. He puts his hands where I don’t want them but who am I to say anything? Then he takes my hand and puts it where I really don’t want to go. I hear around school that I am easy. No one ever told me I had any right to say no.

Society influences us easily when we spend much of our lives without boundaries. After watching the Carol Burnett Show do a skit on strip poker, my brother and friends decide to try it. I am about 15-16 years old.

I CHOOSE TO NOT LIVE THIS LIFE.

We are drinking in our friends basement and playing card and stripping with the losses and it turns into to a sexual encounter.

God has shown me this is a turning point, I choose this point to decided I don’t have to do this. I closed my legs and decided no matter how good it might feel I didn’t want to go there. No one forces me so it is a start to change.

The consequences of my childhood start being exposed when I meet a guy I feel safe with. We meet in February of my senior year in high school.

I give in to sex because that is what I have been taught, but every time he gets on top of me I weep and cry. A breakthrough arrives with summer. A group, (I am the youngest) camps at the lake and I drink 8 cans of beer,(the only time in my life to drink that much).  This deadens my emotions I am able to go through with sex. It feels like an accomplishment.

After that my mom realizes what is going on and writes me a letter. She says I should be bringing my boyfriend around and not hiding out because that is when sex happens. Little does she know what I was taught at 7 years old with her first husband and friends. I lived in shame and hide all my experiences but it is what I know.

Healing begins at age 19 when I truly find Jesus! Holy Spirit has given me great desire to study the Word which gives me a safe set of guardrails to guide my life. I dig in deep because He is The Safe Place of ALL TIME.

God has been healing all these years but one big healing is when God took Keith, the teenage boy who taught me how to please a man, out of my head so I could make love with my husband and not have to have the TV on to distract my mind.

God heals me and at 50 I am set free! I am finally allowed to make LOVE with my husband and it is only my husband on my mind.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Working on the Tulip Bulbs

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It was suppose to be 55 degrees and sunny BUT,

45 degrees met me with cold wind and clouds.

It is disappointing to dress for the chilly weather when expecting warmth of sunshine.

Getting outside I realize my body doesn’t really want to work. My beautiful husband is gracious and grabs the chair for me to sit when needed. During the first hour the chair does come in handy.

After a bit my body seems to warm up to the work and I am able to shovel from the ground while sitting on my pillow. It is just easier on my back muscles to work from the ground.

 

When I am sitting and digging there is much less movement in the up and down with less bending over. Sitting on the pillow I succeed in shoveling, planting and  covering the bulbs.

My plan was to separating the types of bulbs into tulip, hyacinth and daffodils to plant them in some order. It kinda worked last week, but this day it is about getting them in the ground.  This is the second half of what was planted last week. These all got into the ground but some of them dried up the months they waited to be planted. Most of them were in good condition.

 

I seem to have built up a hill sorting through the dirt to get all the roots left from weeding this summer.

 

 

 

 

I still have bulbs left to put in the ground hopefully they will get in the ground tomorrow.

But then, the snow starts and continues for a month!

The later it got in the year, the more I started to wonder where I was going to store the bulbs so they don’t freeze but get cold enough to grow in the spring. I started asking God what do I do? Cover them with dirt? Put them in the breezeway even tho it is freezing? I don’t know!

December 23, 2025 God gave me the ability to plant the rest of the bulbs. God gave us a sunny 50 degree day and two strips of thawed ground to plant the rest of the bulbs. When I tried to get extra dirt from a different area the ground was frozen.

God Cares about the little things we care about.

Be brave and ask for help in what is important in your life!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

God and Struggles with Technology

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God provides the ability to trade for a needed new phone.

A door opens for my husband to trade in my iPhone 11 for a iPhone 17! The battery was giving up and won’t last much longer. At the end of my last phone I needed an extra battery to keep my phone going while running. I did not want to go back there.

The struggle with my new phone starts with transferring all my information from one phone to the next. It ends up taking 12 hours or more because it stalled a few times.

In case you are wondering, my husband provides me with a phone containing storage space. At this time, my phone has 175,894 pictures providing backup memory, for my brain.

All but one app works on the new phone so we turn in the old phone. Fitbit, the odd one out, didn’t work because we couldn’t get signed in. Google bought Fitbit and suggested strongly to connect to Google. This becomes the problem to figure out what I needed to sign into and where to go. The Fitbit sign in doesn’t work at all. There are 3 Google apps or more on my phone.

The runaround starts with setting up a new password for my email but it doesn’t work and looking for something else to try! We spent 2 hours trying to connect to Fitbit.

Finally Google said, “Pause for 6 hours for us to sort this out.”

Frustration building, I Remember God! This thing I have learned is to give it to Him and Trust Him with the answer.

I start Praising God for working it out and Thanking Him for working in this as I get ready to run. It is late enough I need to take the dogs to run and I call a friend to talk with.

After running, bath, and breakfast at 8:00 P.M., I sit down and rest. While in the tub I hear my phone ding. It is Google confirming it has been me setting up a new password.

My way of thinking, it will still take work to get signed into Fitbit, but thankful we have made the first step.

As I am getting ready for bed, which involves spending time writing, I thought of trying my Fitbit app and to my surprise it opens and all my information is there!

PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU JESUS! HE DID IT!

This is a supper power to change the atmosphere and live in Joy no matter what is going on out there.

Try it sometime!

When we give God the problem we have to leave it with Him!

This is how we learn to trust Him!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Two days later the struggle continues.  My email needs a password and the one I used isn’t working. I am into Fitbit but not email. I found a Google email app which has current mail but it is not comfortable. I have no idea how to forward an email.

God will guide me as I tackle the new problem.

Today, I did need to pick up prescriptions and a new Carbon Dioxide detector at the end of a winter storm. Praying for God to keep everyone on the road safe as I drive below the speed limit.

It is so wonderful when I ask God for guidance, today He guided my steps to the exact row I needed to find and I turned at the exact spot the detectors were hanging.

God is exciting to live with!

God Bless us all with guidance through tough spots we face in life. Amen.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

Revelation and Snow

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Question: How have you worked through being Kidnapped?

Answer: Never have.

Now months later as I am writing a story God is exposing the reason I have such a hard time leaving my house to go to the store or on a trip or even an outing.

It all has to do with feeling safe at home and not so much out in the world.

This is a revelation and it makes sense but it will take time to heal. It is amazing how ten years ago God gave me the ability to go to Joyce Meyer’s Women’s Conference by myself and to volunteer at other events.

The last few years as my strength shut down so did my courage to go out into the world. I am believing it is coming back also.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Do you enjoy winter pictures? I do! so enjoy!

God Bless you With HIS Joy!

Hope Grows

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Twice God put people in my path for encouragement.

Running in the cold wind and dropping temperatures, I’m thinking this is the last row and it is time to go home. Just as I start to run the row a vehicle pulls up making me wonder what are they doing.

I do keep my eyes open to what is going on around me because a vehicle has followed me in the past.

The day before while I am running, a vehicle drives in and parks behind bushes without me noticing, to hide?

It is in the left side of this picture.

Running past the bushes I am shocked to see the vehicle sitting there. I watch and take pictures because the person is not acting normal like putting flowers on a grave or moving at all. At one point the man gets out of the vehicle as if motioning to someone ahead.

Thankfully my husband brings the dogs so taking Sam I am comfortable to run past the vehicle that sat there for an hour?

Running on snow and ice is time consuming.

 

This is an icy spot, you can see where a vehicle spun out on ice and I slipped myself.

 

 

 

 

 

After changing dogs I notice the vehicle is gone. What was this guy doing there for so long? Was he waiting for me to leave for some reason?

This is why I wonder about vehicles parking as I run.

But today, as I approach the vehicle the door is open. My goal is to figure out how to get around it without stepping into the deep snow, just then she shuts the door for me to get by. The lady and her husband are putting out Christmas decorations at cemeteries.

Starting up a conversation about the weather as I tell her how God has healed me so I am able to run and gain strength. Then life shut it down for a bit, but now my running is returning.

She understands about life because she is about my age. I offer her information about this blog and she is interested. The stupid thing happened when I try to show her the site. My phone updated overnight and it is difficult to figure out how to get off of amazon to justfullofgrace.org as we  stand in the cold wind. Finally it does what is needed and she is able to see it.

Most of the people I talk to who are my age or older don’t have any desire to be on a computer, but she was willing to wait for me to fine it and show her in this freezing wind.

The next thing that happens is while ordering collagen from TBN/Ancient Nutrition I receive a discount of $5 for being the first person to call. The interesting part is I was not watching TBN at the time but looking up the last time I ordered it. So, I just happened to call at the moment they are expecting many to make the call.

It took me a minute to understand what was happening but then I offered to tell the phone clerk about justfullofgrace.org.

He looks it up and says, “It’s in the first place on Google.”

Years ago an older woman tried to find my site and and found a musician, this is why I try to show it to people I am talking to.

Why is this exciting?

Back 40 years ago I realized people I was with had something I didn’t have. I asked God for what they had and He FILLED ME WITH LOVE, JOY, PEACE, AND A DESIRE TO STUDY SCRIPTURE.

After being offered to Satan and being bullied my thoughts were very dark, but God started invading my thoughts with Good God thoughts.

My response has always been to tell everyone about how God filled me; most of my life I have been more like a bull in a china shop, overwhelming people.

But God has been refining me, teaching me how to be softer and not so demanding. I don’t really know how, but somehow people seem to be wanting more instead of pushing me away. It is a good thing.

Just for fun! This is a picture that reminds me of growing up in ND. I love the drifting snow but it does make running a driving more difficult.

God Bless each of us with heat and protection in these cold winter months. 

 

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

It’s Time to Start

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For 8 years my Brother-in-law has been telling me,

“Now is the time to start doing videos!”

A few months ago I decided I didn’t need to do videos because I haven’t felt God really giving me the desire. THE NEXT SUNDAY the visiting preacher remembers me and says,

“You need to start doing videos!”

A week ago, while getting my oil changed the 21 year old attendant tells me,

“People my age need to hear what you have to say.

You need take videos and put them on YouTube, just tilt your phone up, take a video of yourself, and upload it to the app on your phone.”

Hearing from many young adults out in the world, I realize it’s time to really take this seriously.

Talking to God about this I am trying to understand how to start.

God says, “Start at the beginning!”

Talking with a mother of a teen for advice.

She says, “No videos over 2 minutes”

Now is the time to talk with the church leaders to see if they are willing to help me learn this craft or if anyone wants to go on this ride with me and Holy Spirit.

God Bless each of us with His LOVE, JOY, AND PEACE DAILY! Amen!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

 

Strength Returning

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 Twelve inches of snow fall overnight.

We end up with over 16 inches of snow over the last 3 days,

but the driveway is cleared each day by my husband.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was up shoveling today before I’m up, but he does wake me to say,

“You should see how how fast and hard the snow is coming down!”

This is what was done before I start to shovel.

My husband did more up by the garage then down by the street.

He left the street for me not knowing if I was going to be able to shovel, but God did! God knows I enjoy the stuff by the street.

Today, I knew I would be able to shovel which is miracle.

Running in the snow and wind has made me strong enough to believe I am able to shovel.

The running I have been doing 3 of the last 4 days in wind, snow, and cold shows me running is returning to an everyday occurrence as it was 10 years ago! God is so Very Good!

My husband has been doing all the shoveling for the last few years because I couldn’t anymore. And even this year with all the running accomplished, I had no thought of being able to shovel! So, knowing I am able to shovel 12 inches today is a miracle happening in real time!

Knowing it is warm outside I put on boots, mittens, and cover a tee-shirt with a sweatshirt. With each shovel load I pick up 12 inches of snow and throw it over to the grassy area.

The snow is a bit on the wet side and it is sticking to my hair and hat. Inside I find the back of the sweatshirt has been soaked by the wet snow.

My shoveling widens the path already done and I also make it across the bottom of the driveway where the plow adds extra snow. I cross over to the mailbox, clearing it for the mail truck to drive up to the box. Knowing it is time to go inside for water, I see our neighbor finish the driveway with their snowblower.  I have the desire to go back out and finish it for my pride  but I am thankful.

Our driveway is over 50 feet long and it is double wide. Ten years ago I was able to shovel the whole thing. I am believing it is possible again. There is a shift happening again.

Fifteen years ago when God gave me the new bones and nerves I asked Him to show me how to clean house and He did. It is time again to ask God for help stepping out into the future He has planned for me.

God Bless each of us with Wisdom and Courage to do what needs to be done wisely. I also ask God to Bless us with Strength to do more than we know.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

First Winter Storm

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Of course, I am out running in our first winter storm!

Somehow my body isn’t willing to get moving when the weather is nice and 40 degrees and sun. It is always ready to move when it is hot or humid or freezing and blowing wind.

The wind is blowing 20-30 mph with snow coming in bands off the lake. There are times I need to put my mitten up to protect my face from the wind and frostbite.

Are you surprised I see no one else out here!

I dressed appropriately in layers and layers. It feels like 20 degrees so I put on double pants and socks with 4 layers on top and the hood of the sweatshirt tied the hat down tight.

Thankfully, God showed me where to find my neck piece. It keeps my neck warm without the bulk of a scarf. The temperature has been cold enough and I have looked everywhere but my neck piece was nowhere to be found. Then one day, I saw a piece of it sticking out from under a piece of fabric. God is so Good!

It is strange to wear the hat with the bill all winter but I find the bill blocks out almost all of the light when I run in the dark. It does help keep the snow off my glasses or out of my eyes to some degree. When the rain is coming it is very helpful.

I did run 3 miles in the open West wind. There was a calm point just before the last big wind and a shift to more NW wind. Getting home I offer each dog once around the block. It is a bit warmer since the wind is slightly blocked by the houses in town.

The run did take more out of me than I expected. Getting my strength back is important and getting my weight back down to fit into most of my clothes is also important.

It feels so good to be able to run when all summer I could only do a run/walk for the whole 2 miles at the cemetery. It was a bit embarrassing to not be able to run. But now I am running at a good pace some times and each time I go out it gets better.

Exercise is so important to life. Getting up and moving as often as possible is good for our bodies to feel better. It lifts our spirits to get outside even in the winter.

God Bless each of us with the ability to move and get stronger each and every day. Amen.

I do have days I cannot get off the couch but my body recovers and is up and moving soon after.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

 

The Blessing of “Forgive Me”

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Introducing myself to our new neighbors as I do,

she responds:

“I don’t want to hear anything about God!”

From that point on I have no idea how to talk with Pam, our new neighbor. I wave when I see her, but she never responds.

One day I decide to visit our common neighbor, Donna.  Going over to say hi, I find Pam sitting on the couch. For a while we sit in silence until Pam tries to start a conversation.

“I’ve quit eating chocolate.”

Donna responds, “I have also quit eating chocolate.”

God gave me the perfect response,

“I have found the most wonderful thing called, chocolate bark.”

But I keep my mouth shut! What am I afraid of? rebuke ? anger?

Pam departs saying, I know you watch me visit and come over when I leave.

I respond, “Once, only one time did I see you leave.

This was our relationship for 10 years.

This last month I was bringing a tomato over for her husband.

He had knee surgery.

Pam answers the door.

Surprised to see her at the door, words tumble out of my mouth!

“Forgive me, I have had no idea how to talk with you because you don’t want to hear about God.”

I did go on and give some of my backstory of why I act the way I do.

Pam responds much better than I expect.

The next time we meet at the mailbox,

Pam asks, “How are you doing?” 

She smiles at me.

It is such a change and all I did was apologize.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Good Signs

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Rain today but yesterday shining sun!

Today I knew if running was happening it would be late. It did happen at 10:00 P.M.! It was not fast or easy but it was a successful 1.5 miles run with 1/2 mile walk.

It was a Blessing to have Sam decide he was willing and able to run with me. He even wanted to run faster than I did. All I had to do was offer, “treat” and he came willingly. I didn’t even have to give him the treat, he came with just the mention of it.

We had baked potatoes with roast beef and salad for dinner. I made my salad and put the roast slices on my salad and had a potato on the side. This is a picture of how most of my salads look. It often takes me an hour or two to eat it but it does give me energy!

My body enjoys eating this salad.

The reason I mention this is for years I have had problems swallowing especially meat. It got to the point I was dreading the thought of eating.

It has much to do with bad thoughts that close up my esophagus just before food reaches my stomach. Some day I will talk more about this, but today eating was enjoyable! There was no thought of any problem. I was able to just eat and enjoy the food like I used to. God is so very Good!

Yesterday, my body kicked in for me to go out at 4:00 P.M. and the sun sets at 5:30. The temperature was at 45 degrees when I started and dipping into the 30’s as I pack up.

It is interesting what I start out to do and what actually gets done. You can kinda see the little sprouts of grass sticking up in all the dark dirt. I know I need to get as much of this cleaned out so when I put flowers and bulbs into this area it doesn’t fill up with grass.

This picture is a two day process of cleaning it out and adding brick to make a boundary of what is done and not done.


 

 

 

This is the section I went after to clean up that I had no thought of before I started to work.

 

Basically pulling dead flowers and finding the grass that started growing underneath the flowers.

 

I have never not gotten the bulbs back into the ground before winter takes over. So I am taking every chance that I have to take back my garden. My hope was to finish before fall but that is gone so it is do what I am able each day.

 

 

Strength is returning with each day I keep at it.

GOD BLESS US ALL WITH THE LOVE OF GOD FILLING EACH CELL IN OUR BODIES BRINGING HEALING! AMEN.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!