Exposing Terror in the Mind

TRUTH: Exposing dark thoughts to the light strips it of it’s  power.

The Bible says to confess to each other and be healed.

James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous person can accomplish much.

I don’t believe what I’m bringing to the light is a sin but a byproduct of child abuse and being used as an offering to Satan at 7 years old.

Listening to Dr. Phil interview victims of trafficking, somehow connects with my broken brain/soul. What they describe becomes a vivid picture in my brain from that day forward. Every once and a while the pictures invades my life for no known reason. The most joyful day could be interrupted by these horrible pictures to torture me.

How do these pictures plant themselves into my brain when no other picture ever enters is a question maybe God will answer sometime. One day a preacher talks about everyone being able to sees a picture in their mind. If someone says, “dog” you see a dog. It doesn’t work for me, telling me I’m different.

For many years the knowledge of being set free is kept from me.

Over time I start to think about telling someone, but being responsible for them having these pictures in their mind stops me.

But God, He gives me an idea.

I choose to tell my counselor.

Opening my mouth, THE PICTURE DISAPPEARS!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

 

Peas are Missing Grace

New damage is found in my pea garden.

This is a new phenomena!

Twenty years ago, I put up a fence to keep rabbits from taking a bite, cutting my plants in half.

Years later, the chicken wire fence develops holes small  enough for a vole to get through unseen.

The remedy: a better fence.

The vole comes hunting again as I plant more seeds but he cannot get through the new fence.

One year my peas are in abundance! I have a bad idea,

“I am going to eat them all and not share with anyone!”

The next day some insect burrows into the stem of the pea plants and suck out all the life. I believe God wants to stop the selfish thoughts. This teaches me to always give first fruits and tithing of my favorite plant.

I have not found a remedy yet.

I am thankful for what I get.

My doctor suggests diatomaceous earth! An interesting idea, I will try this year.

 

Weeding today, I really start to wonder about so many dead pieces of pea plants?

I realize what is happening. My husband made a comment about watching chipmunks walking along the fence top. They must be enjoy my peas! At least they eat more of the plant then the rabbits.

Twenty years we have lived here without any Chipmunks getting into the garden.

I realize Grace died in 2021 and the neighborhood cats that took her place have moved! The problem is no cats hunting. The solution: another cat?

This is a picture of Grace looking for critters in the grass. The year after this picture, she lost all her weight and died.

Life has been so crazy for so many years we have no room for a kitten.

I believe things are coming together and we can soon think about getting another cat, who will hopefully control the chipmunks.

Peas are not just peas!

They are a reminder of my safe place: my grandma’s farm. The peas I grow are the same kind she grew 50 years ago.

Why do I write stories like this?

Life always has trials.

I don’t give up when my crop is attacked by a bug, but it is frustrating to find a solution to one problem only to have another one pop up!   Sometimes I feel sorry for myself but I do get back into the fight usually in a day or two.

Every time life gets difficult I cry out for Jesus to help me! Often in my running and many physical tasks I ask for help by crying out,

“Help, Jesus, Help!’

Jesus does help!

My life has not been easy but God has given me the gumption to keep going and striving to do better and conquer the obstacles that pop up. He will help anyone who asks.

It is good to fight for things bringing joy.

God is so very Good!

Taking My Life Back

The goal today:run 4 miles.

To reach my goal today depends on God giving me the ability to move. Waking up my body complains about moving.

Body says, “Do you know how hard compact ground is? Untouched by any shovel for 8 years! Tall grass killing the flowers!”

My body made it to the couch and sat for many hours, even falling asleep again, before making breakfast. Watching the rain water the thirsty ground and check the radar believing and asking God for dry weather to run.

After breakfast Wisdom says, “Eat the raspberries and ice cream before running.”

This gives my body energy to walk and dress for running. The goal is 8:00 P.M. Laying down to rest before running, and guess what? Rain!

All ready to go, the rain stops, and out the door I go believing God for the ability to run. Thankful for a beautiful sky to take pictures, giving me a minute to rest.

The shoveling made it’s self known as the muscles rebel at being called into service BUT I DO RUN.

It isn’t a fast, but it is running with just a little walking.

           God is very good. I end up running two miles at the cemetery then going home to rest a bit and drinking water before picking up Sam! We go for a two mile run to the gas station which hasn’t been done for a year or more?

The temperature is 75 degrees with dew points at 73 degrees.  I am able to ring out my clothes when I get home.

This is the job I tackled Friday!

I ended up coming up from the bottom to shovel through the dirt and not cut the tulip bulbs. The dirt comes out in chunks as if it were cement.

I sit on the pillow and pound the shovel into the wall of dirt before me, making sure I’m below the bulbs. The bulbs drop into my hands after being set free from their prison.

The end of the night just as the sun begins setting the last big weeds come out even a whole tuber.

Maybe Sunday the ground can be prepared to receive flowers again!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD! THANK YOU JESUS! AMEN!

Kingdom of God III

Starting up a conversation with the clerk who is watching the self check out area. My conversation most often goes to God and the Good things He is doing.

The clerk mentions she is learning thoughts that keep returning must be from God.  Her example is about calling her daughter.

My response to her statement, “As long as it is not condemnation.”

Her question, “What is that?”

Her asking about condemnation shocked me! How can her life be so different from mine?

The world’s treatment filled me with condemnation.

The thoughts floating through my head my whole life until around 50 were condemnation. If I had a a chance to talk with someone I would kick myself for the next few days with these thoughts:

“I messed up again! I said too much! They won’t want to talk with me ever again. How could I do that again? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!”

But God’s Way changed my thinking! I know I am covered and filled with His Righteousness.

Romans 8:1-2 There is therefore now No condemnation for those in Jesus Christ. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.

In Romans 14:17 The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

2 Corinthians 5:21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

How to #1: Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you my prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

How to #2: Ephesians 4:22-24 In reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new self which in the likeness of God has been created in the righteousness and holiness of the Truth.

The way to renew our mind is to meditate on the scriptures that we need to grow in.

I started confessing, “I am LOVED! I am the Beloved! I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! There is NO CONDEMNATION IN CHRIST JESUS!”

Hopefully no one reading this needs to transform your mind from condemnation but I will say that it works. When put in the situation of being bullied the words really do run off my back as water off a duck’s back.

All my life I had to have the tv or radio on to keep my mind busy! This keeps the bad thoughts from controlling my life and dragging my down into the pit! But God has washed me new and NOW I am able to sit in a quiet room and be at PEACE!

God is So Very Good!

Building Strength Again

The struggle with the up and down of life.

Just when everything is going well I return from a good run and trip over a vacuum part  left on the floor!

Flying headlong I call out, “Thank You Jesus!”

Surprise and thankful to hear these words as I fall. I must have put enough Jesus in me to wash out the junk. Jesus helps me miss the brick fireplace land on the soft dog bed. The only damage found is a scratch on my leg from the coffee table.

Hours later I get ready for bed and do my nightly plank and push-ups. The plank exposes  soreness but the push-ups expose damage to my triceps, ouch! Obviously, my triceps caught the fall.

Missing church on Sunday, I sleep most of Father’s Day. My husband is thankful to have me wake up at 5:00 P.M. to spend some time with him.

Monday depression sets in. 

“Why does life have to stop when everything is going well?”

Laying on the couch watching tv and falling asleep, I am feeling sorry for myself. But God wakes me with a start and I think,

“I can put one flower into the flowerbed and that will be success!”

Can you see the little corner cleared of grass?  The flower will be seen when it grows up!

The miracle of working multiple hours returns!

Tuesday, I step into the vegetable garden for the first time in over a year. My husband has done work, but it is a continuous fight. I cleaned the outside corner last week, but today the inside is my project.

The chair is my companion out in the yard. It gives my back a chance to rest so I can keep working. This year I decided the pillow could have double uses, one to support my back while sitting and the other to make the ground softer.

Five hours of work makes progress! It’s about ready to plant peas for the first time in over a year.

A week ago, God gave me the ability to work about many hours in the house cleaning, doing laundry, and making soup!

Two weeks ago a few hours were spent in the flower bed making room for planting flowers. Can you see the tall grass I am pulling? It is wonderful to have the strength to tackle projects.

Living most of my life weak and in pain, I hide behind the tv and self protection. But in 2011 God steps in and takes my pain and replaced it with new bone and growing new nerves to make muscles!

Strength and muscles continue to grow until 2018 when Mom dies and the next five to six years family takes everything I have. I even loose weight from losing muscle. Then a medicine stole my gumption to even get up and dust the tv stand, so I stopped taking the medicine and started fighting to get my life back!

This last nine months has been a journey of getting back the strength I fought for so hard to gain in 2011-2017!

I am stringing hours together so soon day of 5 hours will connect to another day of 5 hours and life will be easier again.

The goal is to keep pushing forward and ask God for Help.

God Bless each of you on your journey to getting healthier and stronger!

GOD IS GOOD!

Kingdom Of God II

How Many people attending church realize we have an assignment?

We are not here to think about escaping the mess but to transform the part of the world we live in.

We in the Kingdom of God are to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to our neighborhood.

What does this entail?

The Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. Romans 14:17-18

Learning to walk in the righteousness of God can be as simple as understanding we are accepted by God in Jesus. Realizing the God of all creation has chosen each of us to be in His family by adoption, transforms our everyday lives for the better.

A friend of mine experimented with starting her day putting on the righteousness of God. She walked taller, treated people nicer and enjoyed her day more than normal.

Getting up each day and putting on the armor of God Prepares us to walk as Jesus walked through each day! Is this not our goal?

Being strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might!

Ephesians 6:14-15 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, AND HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE.

Ephesians 6 continues in verses 16-18 In addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one.   And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints.

Walking in the Righteousness of God in Jesus has transformed my life from condemnation, walking in fear, and protecting myself from the world: to spending my days in PEACE, LOVE, and JOY!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

The Kingdom of Heaven

                                Kingdom of Heaven.

                                      What is it?

According to Romans 14:17b The Kingdom of God is Righteousness, Peace, and Joy in Holy Spirit!

The next verse 14:18 explains, for he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.

This is wonderful for God to make it so easy, righteousness is a gift we receive when we receive Jesus as our savior. Peace and Joy are gifts of Holy Spirit and Holy Spirit is given as a gift when we receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

The next step is reigning in life.

Romans 5:17b explains those who receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

A thought to ponder!

This is not something I have thought about or even seen in the 40 years I have studied the Bible. Does anyone have ideas about this?

I will end with I Peter 2:24 and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you (we) were healed.

It has taken me many years to learn how to walk in the righteousness of God in Jesus!

It is a superpower.

As I learn to walk in the righteousness of God in my daily life, the bullying  that used to plague my life quit affecting me. All the words that made me cower all my life, start to slide off my back like water off a ducks back.

What are your stories of walking in the righteousness of God in Jesus?

Has anyone noticed standing taller and being nicer when walking in the righteousness of God?

God is so very Good!

 

Day Eighteen

April 24 is a  productive day.

The temperatures have risen to 80 degrees. They draw me outside to work in my flower garden. Spending almost two hours cleaning up half of a small section. I do try for perfect.

Sitting on the knee pad, I lean this way and that cleaning up last years leftovers and my core muscles tell it’s been years since you have done this work!

Realizing the sun sets soon I change clothes and run. My body struggles as it tries to run but most of the three miles consists of a run/walk combo.

A thought about my first year of running invades my mind while I run. During my first week of running I was able to run 5 days a week! That lasted until planting season! I had to cut back running to have strength to weed and plant.

  I am planing to clean out the rest behind the tulips before running  tomorrow.

BUT TOMORROW HAS NOT YET COME

I realize THAT THOUGHT while running was from God! He was reminding me of the toll yard work takes on my body!

The next day, my core muscles struggle to allow me to sit up or even walk around the house.

Since I didn’t make 30 days running in a row I Believe the 30 days really means running daily taking into account recovery time, but not caring about the weather.

GOD IS GOOD AND HE DOES GOOD!

Day Thirteen

An interesting day!

Today starts with an online doctor appointment. My doctor suggests reducing my migraine/blood pressure medicine to give me more energy for running and working in my yard. Hope starts rising that life will get easier. I have been on this medicine for most of two years.

My very worst day of running, corresponds with my first extended release dose of Propranolol. Lifting my legs becomes impossible! I can’t even get warm as I struggle to run.

The next day on this medicine I start a two mile run; the first mile is fun and easy, but mile two repeats the day before! I not able to lift my legs!

Learning how this extended release medicine shuts down my running, I decide to take this medicine after I run, and never before.

Thirteen days ago, God whispers in my spirit, “30” as I walk out my front door to run! He wants me to start running daily no matter the weather!

Today is day 13, after choir practice I prepare to run three miles. Sam has a sore foot so I leave him home and take Charlie for a run. He is not happy running on our April snowy wet roads. The melting snow is cold and leaking into my shoes! I have run in much colder weather without trouble, so strange.

It is a very slow run and I need another 1.5 miles to reach 3 miles.

After dropping Charlie off and changing shoes and socks I head back out! I’m expecting to run faster but to my dismay my whole run is run 10 steps and walk a few. It is painful and difficult but I keep trudging through to make 3 miles.

My brain thinks about cutting it back to 2 miles but I know disappointment would fill me, so I keep trudging on.

A good thing!

At about 2.5 miles in a policeman stops to ask if I am OK? He is wondering if it is my choice to be out in the cold snow? He hasn’t seen anyone else out and about.


I take the chance to tell him about concerns of people driving  weird.

He has another explanation for why vehicles could be driving slowly and stopping and crawling along my route. He suggests there are people out looking for Pokemon online game to find prizes. .

I am hopeful lowering the dose of medicine will improve my running and all of Life!

GOD IS GOOD

I started this April 9, 2025

A Hint of Summer

The first 80 degree day calls me out into the flowerbed!

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We are thankful to have the yellow tulips show up. The red color seems to be dominate and take over.

I did actually clean up a section of the front flowerbed.

Getting out and sitting in the middle of the foliage looking for weeds and picking up the leftovers from last year stretches my core muscles. I might feel it in the morning.

About one 1/3 of this bed of flowers is weeded and ready for the year to start. Hopefully I will  get busy and take control over the weeds again.

Timing it well I stop weeding and change into running clothes and run 3 miles. I did enjoy catching some of the sunset, it has been a while.

God is Good!