Thoughts of forgiveness arrive in my early 30’s when I find Joyce Meyer!
Joyce helps me realize my need to forgive Rich, (Dad for first 8 years). I learn to forgive him for the kidnapping, tearing our family apart, and most of all bringing Keith into my life, (the guy who taught me how to please a man).
In reality forgiving Rich was not that difficult but thinking, “I still love him?” This is a entirely different question. I came face to face with it at 19 years old when I left home to go back to collage. During my first meeting with my suite mate, she took one look at me and said,
“If you don’t get counseling you will become a wicked old witch when you are old!”
Immediately I search and find counseling on campus.
Counseling lasts about a quarter. We touch on many things but the focus becomes ways to cope not to heal. I learned two concepts:
- The need to turn depression into anger and get it out of my system.
- Understanding “I still love Rich!” This took days before I am able speak it out loud. It is a very difficult concept to consider.
IN my 40’s I hear a radio program talking about offense.
“What is offense God?”
God shows me later that day. My neighbor comes over asking a question and adds,
“I don’t like your daughter!”
God responds, “That is Offense!”
“Help me forgive her for not liking my sweet, beautiful daughter!”
In my 50’s our church invites a new pastor and one of his first sermons he speaks on forgiveness.
Pastor says, “Ask God to name the person you need to forgive.”
I was sure there was no one to forgive but,
God said, “Bob!”
What do I have to forgive him for?
A few years later while playing cards with Bob, (Dad #2 he adopts us). I finally realize one reason my soul has pain and I speak it out loud, saying,
“Dad you are a bully!”
My husband takes me outside for a walk and says,
“You cannot say that! You think you have a ministry, you have to apologize!”
Pacing and realizing he is correct, I feel the pain of letting go and forgiving! It is hard!
Going back to the house I write a note saying,
“Forgive me!”
This note is the beginning of “walking in LOVE” with this man who raised me. God helps me teach him about The LOVE of God! My note actually teaches him about forgiveness.
Later that year I become his caretaker. We move in with him for 6 weeks as we help pack up his house to move! He actually comes to me and says,
“I apologize for raising my voice.”
I believe it is his first apology ever. God tells me later that he couldn’t have changed unless he received Jesus as his savior. Sometimes doing the hard thing makes a big eternal difference.
GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.
GOD BLESS EACH PERSON WHO COMES TO READ MY STORIES WITH JOY AND LOVE OVERFLOWING DAILY! AMEN.