A letter to my daughter, explaining  Joy entering my life!

My senior year of high school, Hardee’s opens and I’m hired. This is two years after my body cast comes off. I start to grow as a person.

One day a coworker asked me to tag along with her and her boyfriend. This introduces me to drinking.

That evening I meet a man who becomes my boyfriend.

Driving me home,

He asks, “Will you allow me to kiss you?”

Shocked I reply, “Yes.” Can I really trust him?

Hanging around with my new friends I start wanting to feel more apart of the crowd.

“God,Is it ok to use Your Name in vain so I can fit in with my new friends?”

God stays quiet.

In the fall, I move to the UND. My boyfriend gives me a stuffed dog.  This dog becomes my security blanket for the next 10 years. Driving home every weekend I carry my dog.

The Juxtaposition of my life shows up when I am able to try out for the women’s choir but cannot look to see if I succeed! Anxiety keeps me afraid of the music building my whole four years. Eventually I meet a women who hears my name every day because I had made it. This has been my greatest regret that I didn’t push past my fear and find out I was good enough.

Finishing my Freshman year I learn Dad finds a job in Oregon. Do I go or stay?

Seeking counseling, I decide it depends on my boyfriend quitting alcohol. He visits drunk, I have no ability to live on my own so I move West.

No one enjoys moving West. My summer sorting cherries is not fun. Instate tuition takes a year, so I move back to UND. My classes and finances are waiting for me but the one thing I canceled, my dorm room!

The one bright spot from my freshman year was the girl across the hall, we keep in contact. I remember she is in a singing group and I still want to sing.

I ask, “Can I join your singing group with you?”

She say, “Yes!”

We walk together and find about 6 other students wanting to sing. First we have Bible study then we break up into pairs to talk and pray. At the end we all circle, hold hands, and pray in a conversational prayer.

I realize they have something I don’t!

“God, I want what they have!”

God Answers without words, BUT

I AM FILLED WITH LOVE, AND JOY!

This from this point on everything in my life changes.

I make friends!

I learned how to have fun without drinking and hangovers!

I am accepted by people!

I meet my husband and hope for a daughter.

LOVE and JOY FILL ME with a byproduct of HOPE!

God will fill you if you ask just as he fills me daily!

God is Very Good!