When Mom rescues us, she has no idea what  happened the year we were on the run.

Bringing us to the farm she grew up on, Mom gives my grandparents charge as she finds a job. They are at a loss how to care for us. We laugh while being spanked and cry hysterically when bumping against something. Soon they decide boundaries are necessary.

In school a cute boy teases me pretending to kiss me. I scratch him.  Mom finds out and says, “I will cut your nails if you don’t stop.”

We leave the safe place the beginning of 4th grade and move to a basement apartment in town. This gives us access to children to play with and not much supervision. I find a boy to invite into the storage closet and teach him how to kiss. I am nine years old doing what I was taught.

Mom marries my second dad at the end of that year and all my teaching boys how to kiss ends.

My new father has different standards. He wears clothes and doesn’t walk around naked like my first dad. We all have our own bed and plenty to eat.

I keep my distance from boys until high school when one of my brothers friends takes me out.

He puts his hands where he wants and then talks about me, “She is easy!”

I don’t know I have the option to say, “NO!”

Once time I play strip poker. It ends up in sexual foreplay.

This is my first,”No.”

I get hired to work at Hardee’s for the opening in our town.

There just happened to be one of those boys that asks, “Are you a virgin?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can check and tell you!”

I keep away from him.

My senior year I have a boyfriend a few years older. I trust him.

He asks, “Will you allow me to kiss you?”

I don’t know how to have a boyfriend.

Mom writes me a letter, “I expect you to bring him by the family. Hiding means sex.”

I did start bringing him home.  He even came to Sunday dinner with my grandparents.

My first dad brought the people into my life that taught me how to please a man when I am seven years old. He also takes me out of the stable family life I know and thrive in. He turns my life into the things made from nightmares.

My second dad keeps me safe! I don’t end up on the street! 

I DO get a college degree!

This morning, God let me know HE IS THE GOOD, GOOD FATHER!

God let me know He is with me in the dark days, bringing light to the darkness always. He has given me strength to go through! Now He is giving me the ability to enjoy life, not just survive! He is my Abba Daddy!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!