Peace Returns

Published on by inerLeave a comment

It has been a full seven days since my last run.

First today,  I made it to choir practice. It is the first time in a week to make it to church. Then I went running in snow with warm temperatures of 14 degrees which feels like 5 degrees, and taking a relaxing hot bath! My blood pressure drooped to 84/65!

Last week was stressful:

Watching our neighbor’s dog with an added stress presenting itself.

My siblings contacting me, wanting me to discuss things I want to stay out of.

Missing church and prayer meeting because of weather.

Monday my blood pressure was up to 152/91!

My counselor helped me remember I have worked hard for the last 20-30 years to change my attitude from, “Why try because everything will go wrong,” TO “I Trust God! He wants Good for me! I Know He has everything handled! GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!”

I Choose Joy!

Romans 8:28 We know that God causes all things to work together for Good to those who Love God and to those who are called according to His Purpose.

I have learned to give God my stress and worry and leave it with Him. My body tells me if I have taken it back. Sometimes it is hard to leave it with God for that I have learned how to WORSHIP! IN REAL WORSHIP OF GOD, ALL MY WORRIES FALL AWAY!

God is changing all the garbage of my childhood into a ministry of helping anyone in need of encouragement.

Last fall, I met a retired social worker. When she heard a bit of my story she was confused at my Joy.  My story fit in with everyone else’s story but my attitude has a different feel than she has been accustomed to.

God does work miracles in people and most of them take our agreement. I purposely choose to change my thinking from:

“I messed everything up again and said everything wrong!  I lost another friend.”

The words on my fridge remind me,

“I am a child of God and He works everything for Good because He LOVES me.

I am LOVED. 

I am the Beloved.

I am the Righteousness of God in Jesus!”

Confessing for 20 years that I am the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus has washed my soul clean from most of the garbage planted as a child.

IF you want to change your thinking and attitude just ask Jesus to come make you clean and fill you with Holy Spirit. Read the Bible, His Word, and ask Him for His guidance and understanding. He will show anyone asking what to do and how to act.

Joyce Meyer learned how to be a Christian in the grocery store as God taught her to put the cart back! And many other things about acting righteous and having a good attitude through all situations.

God Bless us all with Peace and Joy in Jesus! Amen.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD

Scoliosis

Published on by inerLeave a comment

Today took me by surprise!

After waking at 2:20 P.M., I was struggling to be able to walk from the bedroom to the living room.

This in itself is not strange but the fact that I could not get going and every trip to the bathroom was with the speed of a sloth all day!

I end up texting to say I can not make choir practice because it is too far to walk.

After this I start my day with coconut oil pulling and drinking lemon-lime water, ending with a breakfast of 4 fried eggs and dry toast with sausage.

Soon after this I fall asleep and sleep until 12:30 A.M.. It is now 4:42 A.M. and God is suggesting I write a story before going to be. Typing seems to be going fine or actually well. Amazing.

Missing choir practice because of not being able to walk is a new thing.

Life is not a straight shot up to strong and healthy. The body wears out and needs rest. Wouldn’t it be nice to know when my body is going to shut down?

It is my back muscles that control most every thing I do! They quit helping me move because  the 12 inches of metal make my muscles tire and want to quit being used.

Two days ago God gave me the ability to get up and move at about 8:00 P.M.. I suggest walking around the block even though the windchill is below 0!

 

After the walk I make food and eat a salad which takes an hour or more.

 

 

At 1:00 A.M. I start making coffee cake and have a bite before cleaning and moving furniture around in the living room.

One thing I have learned is I need to do what I have energy to do when I have it because it won’t be there in the morning. This is why I am cleaning at 3:00 A.M. because I am able. It has been many years since I have done this so it is time to get at it again.

 

 

Tuesday I run 3 miles with the windchill of -1 dropping to -3 before I finish. I felt the difference.

The pictures are for your enjoyment. Winter snow and sunlight are a joy to me.

Remembering tomorrow is a new day! 

We all have another shot to get busy doing life. Keep pushing forward each day knowing God is with us helping us when we ask and sometimes because someone else asks.

Find Joy even when things don’t go the way we want.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

Did I Do Good?

Published on by inerLeave a comment

I ask God all the time, “Did I Do Good?”

This comes from the many times I have done exactly what was expected and end up in trouble.

Living in the house of our new dad, I am in trouble for plugging the Christmas lights into the outlet. I am 10 years old.

Our weekly job is to oil the teak furniture. Looking for the approval I go into Dad’s office and oil the teak desk. I am very careful to pick everything up to oil under it and not move anything out of place.

When he arrives home and I tell him of the good job I did.

He responds, “HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY STUFF!”

It is confusing because the whole house is his and we are ironing his underwear and polishing his shoes.

Eleven years later, after my accident when they finally allow me to leave, the doctor tells me,

“Do not put your foot down until I see you!”

I am staying at a house of a friend’s parents. When they take me to the doctor’s office, the first thing he says is,

“Why are you still on crutches!”

This makes the people I’m staying with think I am trying to get sympathy.

I believe the doctor realizes his mistake but doesn’t say anything. Instead he gets busy measuring my broken pelvic bones and how far they moved.

He says, “You lost half an inch on your left side.”

There are so many other times I am in trouble for obeying.

What I need is healing.

Jesus is the Biggest Healer.

He is able to heal this open wound.

I know He Accepts me and is Proud of me every time I try!

Is this a daddy wound I need healed?

Psalm 27:10 my father and mother have forsaken me, But The LORD will take me up.

The meaning behind this is He is picking me up and adopting me because my parents cannot do what I need them to do.

Psalm 27:11 Teach me Your way, O LORD, and Lead me in a level path because of my foes. 

There were years I spoke this out loud every time I got into my vehicle to drive somewhere. Why? I don’t know, it came up out of my spirit to protect me from what ever was out there. It didn’t occur to me that it was in the 27th Psalm.

God does heal especially when we ask. Sometimes it is immediate but other times it is slowly over time.

Maybe just maybe what this is about is becoming the adult that I am suppose to be and not cowering when confronted by an authority figure.

God has been working on this and telling me,

I AM WORTHY!

I AM WORTHY TO BE LOVED!

I HAVE ENOUGH WORTH TO ASK FOR HELP!

Does my story flow?

Do you understand it?

Is this a way God brings healing as we walk through questioning things, and realize other things are true that each of us has WORTH!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD! GOD BLESS EACH PERSON WHO READS AND UNDERSTANDS. AMEN.

Learning to Respond NOT React

Published on by inerLeave a comment

Falling for the text meant to rile me.

I have spent two days in a text conversation with my brother who I hardly talk with. After getting it shut down and I am pondering, “What did I say that made him think I am anti people of any race?”

Instead of defending myself I need to Trust Jesus with this. I need to either not respond or ask the question, “Where did you get that from what I said?”

Help me Jesus! Help me walk in the steps You want me to walk in and Be LOVE especially  in stressful situations.

Jesus, Help me THINK and RESPOND and not react.

God Says, “Write It!”

Published on by iner2 Comments

This story is not for everyone.

Do you ever have dreams that bring up something from your past you never want to remember?

God is reminding me of James 5:16, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”

I want to preface this story with the fact that the first 10 years of my life were hyper sexual.

About 2014-15  I met my dad’s sister, for the first time in 50 years. I brought a video received from my dad and I wanted to ask if she knew some of the people.

The video has a quick look at me taking a bath with my dad and I am about 3 years old. My aunt runs out of the room so fast, I know something’s wrong with this picture.

I have memories of taking baths with my dad up to age 4 or 5 years.

This exposes how skewed my norms are! 

From the ages of 7-10 I was kidnapped, trafficked, (taught how to please a man), given as an offering to Satan by my dad and used by 5 teenage boys, then rescued.

Mom saves us and brings us out of the cesspool, but the cesspool is in us.  Now I feel the need to teach what I have been taught. The boys I meet at 9 years old I bring into a closet and teach them how to kiss.

After a few years on our own Mom marries a man, (Dad 2,) who will protect her from her first husband. On their blind date she asks him if he will protect her from her first husband who is in town wanting time with his children.

I notice when we move in with Dad 2, he doesn’t ever come out of his room without being fully dressed. Somehow this translates into my broken soul as safety and I never again feel the need to teach a boy to kiss.

Before I enter teen years I am found to have scoliosis and am fitted for a Milwaukee body brace. This entails a body cast put on my naked body so they can form the brace. Two years of wearing the body brace, my spinal curve grows from 35 degrees to 65 degrees.

I am set up for surgery.

They take before and after pictures of my naked body. After the surgery I need a body cast to live in for 9 months. There is nothing like having grown men talking about girls as they cut away the chest piece so I am able to breath but it leaves my developing breasts open and smoothing the cast around the groin. Just a bit traumatic.

With the cast and brace gone I am skinny with a little figure and my brother’s friend takes me for a drive. He puts his hands where I don’t want them but who am I to say anything? Then he takes my hand and puts it where I really don’t want to go. I hear around school that I am easy. No one ever told me I had any right to say no.

Society influences us easily when we spend much of our lives without boundaries. After watching the Carol Burnett Show do a skit on strip poker, my brother and friends decide to try it. I am about 15-16 years old.

I CHOOSE TO NOT LIVE THIS LIFE.

We are drinking in our friends basement and playing card and stripping with the losses and it turns into to a sexual encounter.

God has shown me this is a turning point, I choose this point to decided I don’t have to do this. I closed my legs and decided no matter how good it might feel I didn’t want to go there. No one forces me so it is a start to change.

The consequences of my childhood start being exposed when I meet a guy I feel safe with. We meet in February of my senior year in high school.

I give in to sex because that is what I have been taught, but every time he gets on top of me I weep and cry. A breakthrough arrives with summer. A group, (I am the youngest) camps at the lake and I drink 8 cans of beer,(the only time in my life to drink that much).  This deadens my emotions I am able to go through with sex. It feels like an accomplishment.

After that my mom realizes what is going on and writes me a letter. She says I should be bringing my boyfriend around and not hiding out because that is when sex happens. Little does she know what I was taught at 7 years old with her first husband and friends. I lived in shame and hide all my experiences but it is what I know.

Healing begins at age 19 when I truly find Jesus! Holy Spirit has given me great desire to study the Word which gives me a safe set of guardrails to guide my life. I dig in deep because He is The Safe Place of ALL TIME.

God has been healing all these years but one big healing is when God took Keith, the teenage boy who taught me how to please a man, out of my head so I could make love with my husband and not have to have the TV on to distract my mind.

God heals me and at 50 I am set free! I am finally allowed to make LOVE with my husband and it is only my husband on my mind.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Working on the Tulip Bulbs

Published on by iner2 Comments

It was suppose to be 55 degrees and sunny BUT,

45 degrees met me with cold wind and clouds.

It is disappointing to dress for the chilly weather when expecting warmth of sunshine.

Getting outside I realize my body doesn’t really want to work. My beautiful husband is gracious and grabs the chair for me to sit when needed. During the first hour the chair does come in handy.

After a bit my body seems to warm up to the work and I am able to shovel from the ground while sitting on my pillow. It is just easier on my back muscles to work from the ground.

 

When I am sitting and digging there is much less movement in the up and down with less bending over. Sitting on the pillow I succeed in shoveling, planting and  covering the bulbs.

My plan was to separating the types of bulbs into tulip, hyacinth and daffodils to plant them in some order. It kinda worked last week, but this day it is about getting them in the ground.  This is the second half of what was planted last week. These all got into the ground but some of them dried up the months they waited to be planted. Most of them were in good condition.

 

I seem to have built up a hill sorting through the dirt to get all the roots left from weeding this summer.

 

 

 

 

I still have bulbs left to put in the ground hopefully they will get in the ground tomorrow.

But then, the snow starts and continues for a month!

The later it got in the year, the more I started to wonder where I was going to store the bulbs so they don’t freeze but get cold enough to grow in the spring. I started asking God what do I do? Cover them with dirt? Put them in the breezeway even tho it is freezing? I don’t know!

December 23, 2025 God gave me the ability to plant the rest of the bulbs. God gave us a sunny 50 degree day and two strips of thawed ground to plant the rest of the bulbs. When I tried to get extra dirt from a different area the ground was frozen.

God Cares about the little things we care about.

Be brave and ask for help in what is important in your life!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

God and Struggles with Technology

Published on by inerLeave a comment

God provides the ability to trade for a needed new phone.

A door opens for my husband to trade in my iPhone 11 for a iPhone 17! The battery was giving up and won’t last much longer. At the end of my last phone I needed an extra battery to keep my phone going while running. I did not want to go back there.

The struggle with my new phone starts with transferring all my information from one phone to the next. It ends up taking 12 hours or more because it stalled a few times.

In case you are wondering, my husband provides me with a phone containing storage space. At this time, my phone has 175,894 pictures providing backup memory, for my brain.

All but one app works on the new phone so we turn in the old phone. Fitbit, the odd one out, didn’t work because we couldn’t get signed in. Google bought Fitbit and suggested strongly to connect to Google. This becomes the problem to figure out what I needed to sign into and where to go. The Fitbit sign in doesn’t work at all. There are 3 Google apps or more on my phone.

The runaround starts with setting up a new password for my email but it doesn’t work and looking for something else to try! We spent 2 hours trying to connect to Fitbit.

Finally Google said, “Pause for 6 hours for us to sort this out.”

Frustration building, I Remember God! This thing I have learned is to give it to Him and Trust Him with the answer.

I start Praising God for working it out and Thanking Him for working in this as I get ready to run. It is late enough I need to take the dogs to run and I call a friend to talk with.

After running, bath, and breakfast at 8:00 P.M., I sit down and rest. While in the tub I hear my phone ding. It is Google confirming it has been me setting up a new password.

My way of thinking, it will still take work to get signed into Fitbit, but thankful we have made the first step.

As I am getting ready for bed, which involves spending time writing, I thought of trying my Fitbit app and to my surprise it opens and all my information is there!

PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU JESUS! HE DID IT!

This is a supper power to change the atmosphere and live in Joy no matter what is going on out there.

Try it sometime!

When we give God the problem we have to leave it with Him!

This is how we learn to trust Him!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Two days later the struggle continues.  My email needs a password and the one I used isn’t working. I am into Fitbit but not email. I found a Google email app which has current mail but it is not comfortable. I have no idea how to forward an email.

God will guide me as I tackle the new problem.

Today, I did need to pick up prescriptions and a new Carbon Dioxide detector at the end of a winter storm. Praying for God to keep everyone on the road safe as I drive below the speed limit.

It is so wonderful when I ask God for guidance, today He guided my steps to the exact row I needed to find and I turned at the exact spot the detectors were hanging.

God is exciting to live with!

God Bless us all with guidance through tough spots we face in life. Amen.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

Revelation and Snow

Published on by inerLeave a comment

Question: How have you worked through being Kidnapped?

Answer: Never have.

Now months later as I am writing a story God is exposing the reason I have such a hard time leaving my house to go to the store or on a trip or even an outing.

It all has to do with feeling safe at home and not so much out in the world.

This is a revelation and it makes sense but it will take time to heal. It is amazing how ten years ago God gave me the ability to go to Joyce Meyer’s Women’s Conference by myself and to volunteer at other events.

The last few years as my strength shut down so did my courage to go out into the world. I am believing it is coming back also.

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!

Do you enjoy winter pictures? I do! so enjoy!

God Bless you With HIS Joy!

Hope Grows

Published on by inerLeave a comment

Twice God put people in my path for encouragement.

Running in the cold wind and dropping temperatures, I’m thinking this is the last row and it is time to go home. Just as I start to run the row a vehicle pulls up making me wonder what are they doing.

I do keep my eyes open to what is going on around me because a vehicle has followed me in the past.

The day before while I am running, a vehicle drives in and parks behind bushes without me noticing, to hide?

It is in the left side of this picture.

Running past the bushes I am shocked to see the vehicle sitting there. I watch and take pictures because the person is not acting normal like putting flowers on a grave or moving at all. At one point the man gets out of the vehicle as if motioning to someone ahead.

Thankfully my husband brings the dogs so taking Sam I am comfortable to run past the vehicle that sat there for an hour?

Running on snow and ice is time consuming.

 

This is an icy spot, you can see where a vehicle spun out on ice and I slipped myself.

 

 

 

 

 

After changing dogs I notice the vehicle is gone. What was this guy doing there for so long? Was he waiting for me to leave for some reason?

This is why I wonder about vehicles parking as I run.

But today, as I approach the vehicle the door is open. My goal is to figure out how to get around it without stepping into the deep snow, just then she shuts the door for me to get by. The lady and her husband are putting out Christmas decorations at cemeteries.

Starting up a conversation about the weather as I tell her how God has healed me so I am able to run and gain strength. Then life shut it down for a bit, but now my running is returning.

She understands about life because she is about my age. I offer her information about this blog and she is interested. The stupid thing happened when I try to show her the site. My phone updated overnight and it is difficult to figure out how to get off of amazon to justfullofgrace.org as we  stand in the cold wind. Finally it does what is needed and she is able to see it.

Most of the people I talk to who are my age or older don’t have any desire to be on a computer, but she was willing to wait for me to fine it and show her in this freezing wind.

The next thing that happens is while ordering collagen from TBN/Ancient Nutrition I receive a discount of $5 for being the first person to call. The interesting part is I was not watching TBN at the time but looking up the last time I ordered it. So, I just happened to call at the moment they are expecting many to make the call.

It took me a minute to understand what was happening but then I offered to tell the phone clerk about justfullofgrace.org.

He looks it up and says, “It’s in the first place on Google.”

Years ago an older woman tried to find my site and and found a musician, this is why I try to show it to people I am talking to.

Why is this exciting?

Back 40 years ago I realized people I was with had something I didn’t have. I asked God for what they had and He FILLED ME WITH LOVE, JOY, PEACE, AND A DESIRE TO STUDY SCRIPTURE.

After being offered to Satan and being bullied my thoughts were very dark, but God started invading my thoughts with Good God thoughts.

My response has always been to tell everyone about how God filled me; most of my life I have been more like a bull in a china shop, overwhelming people.

But God has been refining me, teaching me how to be softer and not so demanding. I don’t really know how, but somehow people seem to be wanting more instead of pushing me away. It is a good thing.

Just for fun! This is a picture that reminds me of growing up in ND. I love the drifting snow but it does make running a driving more difficult.

God Bless each of us with heat and protection in these cold winter months. 

 

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD.

It’s Time to Start

Published on by inerLeave a comment

For 8 years my Brother-in-law has been telling me,

“Now is the time to start doing videos!”

A few months ago I decided I didn’t need to do videos because I haven’t felt God really giving me the desire. THE NEXT SUNDAY the visiting preacher remembers me and says,

“You need to start doing videos!”

A week ago, while getting my oil changed the 21 year old attendant tells me,

“People my age need to hear what you have to say.

You need take videos and put them on YouTube, just tilt your phone up, take a video of yourself, and upload it to the app on your phone.”

Hearing from many young adults out in the world, I realize it’s time to really take this seriously.

Talking to God about this I am trying to understand how to start.

God says, “Start at the beginning!”

Talking with a mother of a teen for advice.

She says, “No videos over 2 minutes”

Now is the time to talk with the church leaders to see if they are willing to help me learn this craft or if anyone wants to go on this ride with me and Holy Spirit.

God Bless each of us with His LOVE, JOY, AND PEACE DAILY! Amen!

GOD IS SO VERY GOOD!