As far back as I can remember every time I shut my eyes this picture showed up with a song. I could not picture anything else as I didn’t know we were created to see pictures in our head. This picture is the only one I ever saw and it kept me company since I was a child.
Probably the first time I told anyone about it was the year we moved to Jacksonville. I was mopping the floor to clean up after our one year old daughter. While mopping, I heard a song float through the air. Dropping to my knees, clinging to the mop, I heard this wailing cry rise up from deep inside my soul.
My daughter ran to get her father; finding me, he wanted to know what was causing such distress.
I said, “That song you were playing was the song that played in my head all my life. It is connected to a picture. In the picture I am sitting out front of a beautiful green house with shutters and sidewalk with an embankment where I a 7 year old sit with 5-6 teenage boys. One of the boys had a guitar and is playing that song.”
Bart threw the CD away so he could never play that album from the 60’s and 70’s again. The song left my brain at that point and I have no idea what it is.
The next time the picture came into focus was when my daughter was in the 6th grade and had a part in the high school play. She asked Permission to go to the cast party.
The next afternoon I tried to take a nap but that same guttural cry rose from my belly and I had no idea why! I called my husband and he came home and took me to the church to see the pastor.
The pastor took one look at me and offered to get a counselor.
I responded, “I will go through this with Jesus!”
The interesting thing that happened was a dark tunnel opened up in my brain to the right. I knew that if I looked down that tunnel I would find out what happened, but I feared that I wouldn’t be able to return, so I never looked.
Years later I was teaching a Bible study at church with some very God fearing women. We needed to move the class to a room that gave me the willies. Fear and dread filled me and I told these women about the picture and the tunnel. They prayed for me and the tunnel disappeared and the dread left with it. God is so Good.
The next time it came into view we were in a new church and I was going through some heart ministry/counseling. All the questions I couldn’t answer were tied to that picture so the Pastor set up and appointment with, “Set Free Ministries” in Grand Rapids.
It was a 6 hour meeting to learn about things and confess and renounce evil influences in my life. They exposed lies but one I didn’t believe was a lie. The time was up so they set up a second appointment which was unusual.
I had grown some. The first visit I needed someone to drive me, because fear controlled me so completely. But this second visit I drove myself. I now understood the thing I disagreed about, as a lie. God did something in me.
At the second meeting they set up to do a prayer intervention. First she asked me to describe the picture, then just as I started she said,”We need to pray first.!” She prayed.
The picture left my eyes! I was a bit perturbed. Maybe even angry!
I could remember the picture so I started to tell her what it looked like.
She asked, “Who is at the door welcoming you inside?”
I don’t know.
What are you wearing?”
I try different things on in my mind and a “white dress feels right.”
Go inside and describe the room.
I am outside in a hall and go into a room with two doors and no windows and sit crisscross-applesauce on the floor in the middle of the room, something I haven’t thought of for 50 years.
What is behind the other door.
All I see are skeletons and sculls floating in the air. Later I realize people in robes and masks come from the door and circle around the room with me in the center.
What happens next. I am picked me up and put me on the altar.
I see a light.
She asks about the window. I said there was no window. The woman who is praying while we talk says ,”She said it was a room with no window.” So what is the light? ( Years later God shows me He was there with me)
This is as far as I could go. They said the door is open so God can guide you through the process.
As soon as I arrived home the devil told me a lie that none of that ever happened. I started to believe it but then I realized they way I react to so many things come from this. The devil was lying to me! It all happened.
The next year I am helping my mom after her surgery and ask tell her about the picture. She says, Your father is a very tall person. He also wanted to try anything crazy just to do something different. So I had to wrestle with that for a few days to believe my dad could do that.
Sometime in the next year or so in church while I am Worshiping God fully, God drops a picture in my mind. My dad taking me from the altar and hanging me upside down on an upside down cross.
When I told my husband he said, “That explains everything!”
Sometime later I ask God, “What is the big deal with being hung upside down on a cross? I know it is a spiritual thing but is that it?”
God showed me a picture of two boys on top of me at once.
I said, “That is enough! I don’t need to see anymore!”